Category: Craigslist and Backpage pranks, prank calls
Prank Victim: Craigslist masseuse
Rage Level: Mellow
- “Are you gonna read me a story or something? What’s a happy ending?”
- “I dun diddly doo daw I don’t need your flappy boobies all over me, you know what I mean?”
- “I want you to pretend like it’s one of them, uh, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? But instead of a tootsie pop, it’s gonna be my big toe, you know what I mean? Dun diddly...”
Body of content:
I pretended to be a hillbilly named Billy for this Craigslist ad prank call, and responded to a really shady listing offering a "full body massage" with a happy ending. I play dumb and get her to awkwardly explain what a happy ending is, and she went for it! Just when she started to think Billy is an innocent guy looking for a regular massage, I got extra weird on her.
I asked this lady for some particularly nasty extra services with my massage to see if she would go along with it. She seemed to play along temporarily, but I think it was a bit too much for her in the end. What kind of sketchy Craigslist ads should I call up next? What was your favorite part of this awkward prank? Let me know in the comments!
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Pranker: Prank. [phone ringing] Yes, it's progress, please answer.
Pranker [speaking as Billy]: Hello?
Pranker: Yes ma'am, I am calling in regards to the Craigslist advertisement?
Lady: Sure, what would you like to know?
Pranker: Uh, I would like to know, uh-, eh-, inquire about your massaging services, I believe you said here that uh, I'm sorry-
Pranker: I think I turned the ad down, let me see if I have it here, uh are, are you-, what kind of massages are you offering exactly?
Lady: It's a full body massage.
Pranker: C-, can you please, eh, I-, I'm sorry I'm just new to all this, can you explain to me exactly what a full body massage is?
Pranker: Is that like my, you rub my BACK, my-
Lady: Yeah, let me-
Pranker: MY BIG TOE, my back, my belly.
Lady: let me move to another-, hold on one second, let me move to a different spot, because I can't hear you very well, OK?
Pranker: Okay, alrighty, take your time baby.
Lady: One second. I just can't hear you. From where I was standing [giggles]
Pranker: [giggles] It's okay, I DUN DIDDILY DOO DAH lose service sometimes too, you know it happens, these days with this here Verizon and Sprint-
Pranker: and ATT whatever it's called, I don't know what to choose, you know what I mean?
Lady: [giggles] Ok, a full body is yeah, if you get a full body from the shoulders on down, the whole body, you would be nude and I am topless.
Pranker: Oh, oh, uh, okay, well, eh, yeah, wuh, wuh, I don't know [giggles], how much do you charge for that?
Lady: It's-, it's fifty for a half an hour, seventy five for an hour and additional 25 if you want the Happy Ending if you know what that was.
Pranker: Happy en-, are you gonna read me a story or something? Wuh, wuh, what's a happy ending?
Lady: Of course, of course a story [giggles], NO, it's a hand job.
Pranker: Oh-, oh-, ok-, uh-, well uh-, o-, okay-, uhm-, uh-, ah duh-, do you have any type of discount or something seventy-five's kind of steep-
Pranker: You know what I mean? Because DUN DIDDILY DOO DAH, it's uh-, 75 dollars, I'm-, I make myself, you know, $9.25 an hour at Wal-Mart or so-
Pranker: takes me, I don't know, how many, I don't know how to do the CALCULATIONS.
Lady: [giggles] Do you-, what do you want a half hour or an hour?
Pranker: Uh, could we do, let-, let's say half an hour, but I don't know if uh-, uh-, what if we can do one, where you just give me a massage like-
Pranker: a normal one, because I got me some, I get me some, tight joints in my-, my legs are tired, I got me my-, my-, my back aches, you know what I mean?
Pranker: Because I DUN DIDDILY DOO DAH, I don't need your-, your flappy, BOOBIES, all over me, you know what I mean? You could have your shirt on and I'll-
Pranker: I-, I-, is-, cool with me.
Lady: Okay honey, then, if you want just half hour what are-, can we-, how about forty?
Pranker: Okay, are you gonna, do you-, do you do, duh-, dee-, duh-, DEEP tissue massage?
Lady: Yes I do, mhm.
Pranker: Okay, alrighty, because, well, the thing is, is what I really like, honestly is my favorite thing ever is uh-, is a foot massage, and uh-, I'm-
Pranker: I'm willing to pay-, I'm willing to pay the full seventy five, if you can just focus on the FEET, for-, for-, for-, for-, for, you know, let's say like-
Pranker: twenty five minutes, and then the-, uh-, the last-, the last five, if you could just, I mean, this may sound kind of weird, but I'd really appreciate-
Pranker: If you could just suck on my BIG TOE for like five, six minutes? Both of them, you know, three minutes each, something like that.
Lady: I could do it, yeah I can do the-, yeah I can do the massage.
Pranker: Well, listen-
Pranker: But-, but-, but-, yeah, well-, uh-, for me, uh-, for me, what a Happy Ending would be, is if you could just, SLOBBER all over my Big Toe, I-, I'm not-
Pranker: even joking, it's just-, I-, I really got into it after swimming when I was younger, hello?
Lady: Yeah, I'm listening.
Pranker: So, is that something you'd be willing to do? I mean, not-, not just with your HANDS, I want you to-, to pretend like it's one of them, uh, how many licks-
Pranker: does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? But instead of a Tootsie Pop, it's gonna be my Big Toe, you know what I mean? DUN DIDDILY.
Lady: Sure, we could do that.
Pranker: Okay, alright, that sounds excellent [cough], excellente, eh-, oh-, eh-, uh-, I just wanna make sure I don't-, I don't want you to back out, at the last second-
Pranker: because I've been looking all DUN DIDDILY DAY, somebody who would do it for me, and I've been asking, and asking, and asking, and it's all in my HEAD.
Pranker: You know what I mean? Because I DUN DIDDILY DOO DAH UH-, it'd be great for me, I'm on all-, I'm on my feet all day and-, and just having-, I want my toe-
Pranker: to be sucked for so long, I want it to look like a GRAND-MOTHERS FOOT, I want it to be WRINKLY, I want it to look like a PRUNE, you know what I mean?
Pranker: I mean, I don't really CARE about the other toes, I just want the toe, you know, THE BIG-, THE BIG-, THE BIG-, HOO NAY, THE BIG DADDY, you know what I mean?
Pranker: Because I DUN DIDDILY DOO DUH I LOVE, I DUN DIDDLY LOVE, THE BIG TOE STIMULATION, DIDDILY DOO DAH DUN BIG TOE, I love it. Have you ever had it before? Hello? Hello? Hello?
Pranker: Hello, hello? [laughing] [speaking to audience] what the-, what, what, what the heck was that, I'm so glad I called her back, that's so weird. [laughs] I'm in-, I'm in shock.