Category: Prank calls
Characters: Buk Lau
Prank Victim: Janitor
Rage Level: Mellow
- “Do you want some, uh, like the- tootsie roll massage?”
- “Buk's milking you can have it your way too- and then bust all the nuts, you know?”
- “Yeah, but don't you want to bust a nut?”
Body of content:
I heard about this school janitor who is obsessed with sensual Asian massage parlors - the ones that do more than just give you a massage. As Buk Lau, I did a massage parlor prank call on him where I told him he had visited one of Buk’s previous establishments, and was invited to a new one called “Buk’s Milking”.
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[glass break sound]
Pranker [speaking to audience]: So, this guy's a janitor at a school, and he's addicted to sensual-
Pranker: Asian massage parlors. He apparently openly talk to his co-workers about this all the time.
Pranker: You know, those places where they're not just giving you a massage. I decided to give him a call-
Pranker: from [speaking as Buk Lau]: Buk's milking the new massage parlor.
Pranker [speaking to Buk Lau]: Uh duh hello! I wanted to actually call you about the new promotion-
Pranker: we have it for the new massage place, uh- we had your telephone number as a previous customer, you know?
Pranker: So I wondering, you know, we have a- one hour massage for only $29.99, I wondering if maybe you are interest?
Guy: Oh yeah. Which- w- what's the name of that?
Pranker: I- i- it's called Buk's milking, you know?
Guy: Is it in the mall?
Pranker: Uh- it's uh- right by the mall, you know, I can text-message you the address, but I just want to-
Pranker: see if you want to come in for the appointment, you know, they are filling up very fast, and you know-
Pranker: if you want me to save a special girl for you or something like that?
Guy: Yeah, maybe I'll write down your address and-
Pranker: Do you have any type of preference for the girl we get for you? Because we have a new girl right now-
Pranker: I can- you have a- we have a short girl, we have a tall girl, we have a girl with a big- big err- you know-
Pranker: big boobies, thing like that, do you have a preference?
Guy: You have Asian or what?
Pranker: Yeah, Asian lady, you know, very- very cute.
Guy: Wha- what's your address?
Pranker: Yeah 19-800 [censored] highway, you know?
Guy: 19807 [censored]
Pranker: Yeah, right- right- right- right- so what do you think about that? You know, if you want to also, I remember-
Pranker: you have a note here you- I think you do like the cleaning services, if you want to maybe bring your mop-
Pranker: with you, and you want to spend like a half hour just cleaning up for us, the floor, you know, it get like a-
Pranker: sticky one sometimes after the milking. We can do uh- free- free- free massage, you know?
Guy: Said $20?
Pranker: Uh, yeah.
Guy: Uh, hmm, how about- yeah- tonight? What time?
Pranker: WE can do- like- let me look here in my calendar, I want to see here, want to tell you what the heck we can do-
Pranker: we can do like uh- seven thirty?
Guy: Yeah, seven thirty.
Pranker: Okay, and then we have a- I have a very cute girl for you, her name is Au' Nagee, do you want me to set up an-
Pranker: appointment with her? Or do you want to tell me like-
Guy: Yeah- I'll take the one you were just talking about.
Pranker: Oh okay, perfect! And then tell me, what kind of massage, do you want it? So I can put it down.
Guy: Uhm- neck and back I guess and-
Pranker: Okay, neck-and-back, do you wan- the uh- you know, the- do you want some, uh, like the- tootsie roll massage?
Guy: Uh- maybe, yeah.
Pranker: Okay, good, let me put down here kush- because then, you know, she can- just do herself- [keyboard sound]
Pranker: okay, I want to TAKE the note in the system-
Guy: So- so like- 19 yeah 19800 [censored].
Pranker: Uh, right, right, so I'm putting here in the note, "don't forget to massage the tootsie roll and try to pull on it-
Pranker: and- do you li- do you have any- the- oh- no- "extra milking." Okay, do you have any type of uh- "like the cow"-
Pranker: [keyboard sound] Okay, do you have any type of uh- special preference I can put down? Because I- we- the new thing we're-
Pranker: trying to do is we're trying to go the extra mile- like, do you know how the Burger King, they say you can have it your way?
Guy: Yeah- yeah- yeah-
Pranker: Yeah, so at-
Guy: I guess-
Pranker: Buk's milking you can have it your way too- and then bust all the nuts, you know?
Pranker: [lip smack], so- you know, I don't want you to be shy, or anything like that, I want you really to have like a great time-
Pranker: because we're looking for the repeat customer, so is there anything- anything- ANYthing!
Pranker: You want me to do, or have them do to you?
Guy: Yeah- I- I'll talk about it when I get there.
Pranker: Yeah, yeah, I- I know you worry about, but like I- I- the- the reason I talk to you is because, you know, y- you come to me before-
Pranker: you know, we like a friend, you know, so you not like a stranger, so I do- I feel comfortable, you know? So I was just wondering-
Pranker: you know, because I want you to have the best time of your life, you know, of course, the massage, and then you know, we can do other thing too.
Pranker: And do you like to- just c- because I can ask the lady here, do you like- do you like her to do the anus massage?
Guy: I- I never tried that.
Pranker: Uh- d- do you know what I'm talking about? I know my voice can be sometime a little bit hard, or difficult, right?
Pranker: So, basically, you know, a- Au Nagee can put- you know, she can help to loosen the m- the muscle in the anos, you know, and massage-
Pranker: all around in the- the sphincta taramatat ta- tamatus?
Guy: Oh, I see.
Pranker: Do you want to bring the mop maybe? So, they can use the handle, and just put it up there?
Pranker: And then I'll tell her to- to shove her finger up your anus, right?
Pranker: No, but you can't say okay to everything, I want to know what is your preference, you know?
Guy: Yeah- I'll talk to you when I get there, I've got people around here.
Pranker: Yeah, yeah, I know, it's okay, I want to offer them too, the- the offer, right? It's okay, you know?
Pranker: It's uh- it's not a- I know you are busy, but you're on the lunch break, right?
Guy: Yeah, on my lunch break, I'll just come there- later.
Pranker: Yeah, yeah- I know, but when you gonna be free, because I want to, you know, make sure that you get a Buk's milking real good?
Guy: Okay, bye. [hang up]
Pranker: No but w-! H- h- hello? [laughing] [speaking to audience]: Whey uh- what the fark? The guy got super spooked! I think he had-
Pranker: just like a bunch of co-workers around or something. At this point I wasn't able to get a hold of him again, but, after a couple days-
Pranker: I tried again and he finally picked up.
Pranker: Uh, yeah, hello, ho- how are you doing?
Guy: Uh, who is this?
Pranker: Hey, [censored] we spoke uh, a few days ago about, I calling you for the BUK'S MILKING.
Guy: From what?
Pranker: I- I'm calling you from the Buk's Milking, unfortunately last time I call you, I know you were very busy, you had I think-
Pranker: people around you, so you could not talk freely-
Guy: Oh- yeah, I'm not- I'm- I'm not interested.
Pranker: You know, well, what do you mean, not interested? You know, I had the best deal for you.
Guy: Well, who- how did you get- how did you get my number?
Pranker: I TOLD YOU I- I had the in the database, you know, we had you as- you were- you were the-
Pranker: repeat customer for us in my last massage place, so we had just like a small list of- of- of good customer-
Pranker: we like to call them back about the introductory.
Guy: Uh- uh- I'm not this time, I'll call you when-
Guy: I'll call you another time.
Pranker: yeah, I'm- but look- I- I know you are little bit confused, I understand, you know you got very worried, but I- what I'm trying-
Pranker: to tell you is-
Guy: I'm bus- I'm so busy and I'll call you in a few days when I'm-
Pranker: Yeah, I know but, you remember I- I have the introductory price for only the twenty nine ninety nine! And- and that's for-
Pranker: like the, you get a good milking, you know? You get the good milking and after that, you know, you get to-
Guy: Yeah, I'm gonna be away, I'm heading awa- out of town.
Pranker: Yeah, but don't you want to bust a nut?
Guy: I- can't- I can't now, I have to call you back.
Pranker: No, I know, but you can bust a nut anytime, you know? You come to the Buk's milking, you know? We gonna give you the-
Pranker: the- the milking real good! You know?
Guy: I- no I- I'm not even at home. I'm- I'm on my way out of town now, so-
Pranker: Yeah, come- come-
Guy: I’m not at my home.
Pranker: but- but that [censored] come on man, work with me here, I'm trying to give you the good deal because you were the good-
Pranker: customer, but you don't-
Guy: No, I gotta go, I'll call you back.
Pranker: Yeah, I know- but we gonna beat your meat-
Guy: [hang up]
Pranker: remember, like I thought, h- HELLO? [laughing] [speaking to audience]: I like how he finally thought: "Wait, how'd you get my number?"
Pranker: He didn't think much of it in the previous call, [laughing].