Category: Prank calls
Characters: Billy, Tyrone, Buk Lau
Prank Victim: Home Depot
Rage Level: Moderate
- “DIDDLY DOO DAH BUH DUN need me a PATIO.”
- “What-, what you trying to do? Look me up on the BOOK FACE?”
- “FRANKIE POO, come on man, how you gonna do me like that?”
Body of content:
I did an anonymous prank call to Home Depot to ask them if they could help me hire the illegal workers that hang out in front of their store. As Billy, I told them I needed to build a patio and heard the guys who hang around outside of the store were available to hire. When they told me those men aren’t associated with the business, I kept obnoxiously pushing for their help!
The Home Depot employees wanted NOTHING to do with Billy, and they really hurt his feelings! Do you think they got a laugh out of this weird conversation with our beloved hillbilly? Should I do another prank call to Home Depot? Let me know your thoughts on this crazy prank in the comments below!
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Guy: Hello, this is Frank, how can I help you?
Pranker [speaking as Billy]: Uh hello, hey there Frank, I'm looking to find some, information about the, uh, the Patio-
Pranker: that I would like to build, and I was wondering who I could talk to-
Pranker: Uh, ho-, how much, material, is usually costing, and-, and-, and, and all that good stuff, you know what I mean?
Guy: Ok, uh, well what we would need is 1- measurements of what you need, and what you're planning on doing-
Guy: uh, and then we can kind of run off of that.
Pranker: Do-, do ya'll, do installations, or what-, what's the deal with that?
Guy: Do you want somebody to do the work for you, through Home Depot?
Pranker: Uh, my friend told me ya'll got people outside that we, that I can, HIRE, and I don't know exactly how that works-
Pranker: I-, I told me they were like, WORKERS, of some sort, and, they have SIGNS, and I was wondering, if maybe-
Pranker: I don't know if ya'll, if-, I was thinking maybe I could CALL-IN and buy them in BULK, uh, I-, I-
Pranker: I don't know exactly, how to rent these people.
Guy: Rent these? What do you mean these people?
Pranker: Well I, I've seen some people, outside of the HOME, depot, and they-, they-, they always tell me they wanna do some WORK.
Guy: They have nothing to do with Home Depot, you would have to negotiate with them on your own time.
Pranker: But what do you, they're always right outside, The Home Depot, like how, what do you?
Pranker: I thought they were, working for you'll and I'd a, he told me, you know, you can call, you can hire them-
Pranker: and they, THEY DO, the uh-, the patio for, for a better nice-
Guy: You, here you-
Pranker: you know what I mean?
Guy: You can talk to them on your own, if you want them to do it, go ahead then, they're willing to do it, you negotiate a price that's up to you.
Guy: I can't recommend you doing them because they are not licensed contactors, they are just.
Pranker: IF I-, IF I-, if I happened to, eh-, eh-, if I happened to go like, COSTCO, or something? Do they have them WHOLE SALE.
Pranker: I don't know what to do, you know?
Guy: [giggles], you gotta be kidding me.
Pranker: I'm-, I'm-, I'm serious, I'm just really trying, to save a buck here man, you know what I mean?
Pranker: DUN DIDDLE DOO, the economy right now is so HARD, you know I, I'm-, I got bills to pay, but my wife really wants-
Pranker: a Patio, and I don't know what to do, you know? I'm just trying to-, I'm just trying to make her HAPPY, so she stops-
Pranker: to me all the time, you know what I mean? I'm just trying to save me a couple DOLLARS, I-, I don't do much CONSTRUCTION-
Pranker: work myself, you know what I mean? Because I DIDDLY DOO, I, I just want me, eh-, eh-, the best price, the best price, you know what I mean?
Pranker: I'm sorry if, I'm asking a stupid question.
Guy: Mhm yeah, like I said, I-, that's something that's not Home Depot related, you gotta talk to them I can't, I can't talk to them-
Pranker: or give you any information about them-
Pranker: well who el-, who-, who-, who else could I talk to that might know some INFORMATIONS about this here PEOPLE, because I need to-
Pranker: I'd really like to-, to just get on this, a-
Guy: you need to calm down-
Pranker: A SIPPITY SAP.
Guy: here and talk to them on your own, we can't-, none of us here-
Pranker: WOAH, WOAH-
Guy: in this building, can talk to you, or give you information like that sir!
Pranker: EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME, SIR! Why you raising your voice on me, I'm just a CUSTOMER trying to find out some INFORMATIONS, and you getting all MAD-
Pranker: over here, it's MORPHIN TIME.
Pranker: What's-, what's the big DEAL?
Guy: Sir, I'm not raising my voice at you, I'm trying to express to you, what you need to do-
Pranker: You're expressing me-
Guy: you keep asking me these questions-
Pranker: in a very MEAN MANNER!
Guy: and I already told you I can't.
Pranker: You are hurting MY FEELINGS!
Guy: I am!
Pranker: What-, what do you mean?
Guy: Oh hoh, ok.
Pranker: You just told me, you are, what-, what kind of CUSTOMER SATISFACTION, are-, are you doing here?
Guy: I just told you what sir, what did I just tell you?
Pranker: YOU-, YOU TOLD ME, you-, you're yelling at me, I'm just trying to find information-
Pranker: you-, you-, you are SCREAMING.
Guy: Sir, I'm not yelling at you.
Pranker: You won't now oh now.
Guy: I'm not yelling at you, I'm just expressing to you.
Pranker: Now, you're calm, now you're calm, right? Eh, DUN-
Guy: Sir, that's how I was talking to you.
Pranker: DIDDLY DOO DAH, I just want, you know-
Guy: Five minutes ago, ten minutes ago.
Pranker: I just want to-
Guy: Sir, I've been talking to you the same way, sir-
Pranker: NO YOU HAVE NOT!
Guy: I have been talking to you, SIR-
Pranker: You're getting too angry with me-
Guy: I have been talking to you the same way.
Pranker: DUN DIDDLY DOO DAH, YOU ANGRY, I just want me-
Guy: Heh, okay-
Pranker: you know, all I want-
Guy: I'm angry-, If I'm angry-, if I'm angry why am I laughing sir?
Pranker: Because, you're being MEAN, you-, you-, you-, you're just POOPING all over me man, and I just want you-
Pranker: I just want some HELP here, I'm trying to please my WIFE, you know what I mean? BECAUSE I DUN-
Pranker: DIDDLY DOO DAH BUH DUN need me a PATIO.
Pranker: So what could we do here? You-, you're kind of MEAN, you know what I mean? Kind of hurt my feelings.
Guy: Sir, I've already explained to you-
Pranker: I feel like INSECT right now, you dun-
Guy: what you need to do.
Pranker: HURT MY FEELINGS, I'm-, I'm-, I'm offended with you right now, can I speak to a manager?
Pranker: What's your name sir?
Guy: I've already expressed to you, MY NAME IS FRANK SIR, FRANK.
Pranker: Okay Frank, alrighty, Frank, look, we're now, we're on a first name basis, my name's BILLY, alright FRANK-
Pranker: Why are you so mean to me? What did I do to you?
Guy: Sir, I'm not being mean to you, I'm expressing to you, what you're asking me about certain things-
Pranker: Expressing to me in a very mean manner.
Guy: I've already told you what you need to do, I can't answer for them, they don't work for Home Depot, what do you want me to tell you?
Pranker: But the-, BUT-, but they're from-
Guy: They have nothing to do with Home Depot.
Pranker: why do ya'll-, why do ya'll, let them stay there, in-, in-, in the Home DEPOT, I don't understand, I-, I go to the-
Pranker: HOME DEPOT, they're outside all the time, you know what I mean? I walk in there, like hola, como estas, you know what I mean?
Pranker: BECAUSE I DON'T DIDDLY, I DIDDLY don't speak no Spanish, I wish I DID, I wish I DUN DIDDLY, or else I'd ask them myself-
Guy: Well, they-, they do have classes for it sir.
Pranker: Yes, I'm just-, I'm just STEAMING over here you know?
Pranker: Uh huh, okay, sir-, well Frank, you tell me some pricing information about the Patio then?
Guy: Like I said, if you want pricing on materials, I need uh, a, some kind of list, measurements, uh, how long you want it to be-
Guy: how wide you want it to be?
Pranker: Okay, alrighty, let's say-
Guy: And we can go from there, I can give you an estimate.
Pranker: Like, like 12 BY FIFTEEN, let's-, let's go with THAT Frank, come on Frank.
Pranker: 12x15, FRANK, FRANK.
Guy: Yes sir.
Pranker: Oh I'm waiting right now.
Guy: Yeah, well, I need to know what kind of material you want, do you want this to be, Vinyl material?
Guy: Do you want it to be Lumber?
Pranker: I want me, I want me-
Guy: I don't know what you want.
Pranker: LUMBER, lumber, I like me some good old-fashioned Lumber.
Guy: Okay, it's gonna take me a while, I can't just-, I can't get calculated and give you information over the phone-
Pranker: Well, Frank, you told me you need-
Guy: within 15 minutes, 10 minutes.
Pranker: you told me you needed measurements Frank, come on now Frank, you can do the-
Guy: Give me, gie me your phone number-
Guy: sir, sir.
Pranker: FRANK, Frank you're not-
Guy: If you-
Pranker: doing your job here Frank, hurry up Frank.
Guy: I am-, I'm doing my, heh okay.
Pranker: FRANK, hello, I need some help-
Guy: Name and number where I can reach you at.
Pranker: Frank, I don't wanna deal, I ain't giving you y-, my number, you-, you gonna do some-
Pranker: some, some crazy things to me, ah, duh, I don't trust you with my phone.
Guy: Ok sir, you know what, you do it, do you really wanna speak to my manager? I can transfer you to one.
Pranker: Okay, I wanna speak to [mumbling].
Guy: Ok here.
Pranker: Okay? Oh heh, alrighty, so I'm angry right now. Frank, you hear me?
Manager: [background sounds], yes this is Miguel, how can I help you today?
Pranker: Hello, hello?
Pranker: Yes sir, I was talking to Frank, and uh, he was having, he was not being the best Customer Service Associate-
Pranker: with me, just a moment ago.
Manager: Oh, how can I help you?
Pranker: He-, he-, he-, he very much hurt my FEELERS and I'm very offended right now, and I would like to know-
Pranker: what kind of corrective action will be TAKEN?
Manager: Well I, I need to know exactly what went on, so that way I know how to approach the situation.
Pranker: Sir, I'm having trouble hearing you sir, can you please-, are you on the speaker telephone right now?
Manager: I am not.
Pranker: Okay, uh, I was talking to Frank, and he was asking me for measurements for a Patio, and-, and-, and-
Pranker: he was just having an ATTITUDE, I-, I-, I DUN DIDDLY told him, he told me: "Well, I need to know Lumber or-, or-, or whatever other materials?"
Pranker: And I told him Lumber, and now he's telling me some: "Well sir, I need to get back to you, all this-
Pranker: HOOBILY JOOBILY, you know what I mean? Because I DIDDLY DOO DAH, need me a QUOTE, and I'm very-
Pranker: frustrated with me, his attitude, his attitude really, hurt my FEELINGS. I feel like I'm an in-
Manager: Right, uhm-
Pranker: an in-, INSECT, pooking around here, trying to find some HELP, and I can get caught with, with, WITH FRANK?
Manager: Do you mind if I, get some information from you? And then I can deal with him later-
Pranker: Ok, god-
Manager: and let me get-
Pranker: you know what, I would actually just like-
Manager: you taken care of.
Pranker: I would just like to talk to Frank again, and give him a piece of my [mumbling] mind right now. You know what I mean? Because I'm-
Manager: And, and to be honest-
Pranker: I'm frustrated-, I'm frustrated and, and angry, and-, and-, and it's my FEELINGS, they're just ALL OVER THE PLACE right now.
Manager: Eh, eh, let me also take, make sure that I take care of you-
Pranker: Well sir-
Manager: in getting what you need.
Pranker: I need-, what I need, I just really, I need to talk to him right now, I need the DUN DIDDLY DOO DAH, I need to talk to Frank-
Pranker: and have me, and I just wanna understand, what-, what the misunderstanding what's-, you know what I mean?
Pranker: Because I'm trying to be his BUDDY, you know I'm trying to be friendly, I'm a say: "Hey Frank, how's it going Buddy?"
Pranker: And you know, he's just giving me this ATTITUDE, and I don't know what do what to do, I'm-, I'm FRANK.
Pranker: I was just trying to talk to him to get some IDEAS, you know what I mean? Because I DUN DIDDLY DOO DAH, I need me some-
Pranker: you, I wish I had some good, Customer Service, you know what I mean? Because I-, I'm trying here, I'm trying to keep my COOL-
Pranker: you know I'm trying to KEEP my COOL, I'm trying not to go CRAZY, because sometimes, you know when I go CRAZY, I get, I go-
Pranker: I've turned into an ANIMAL, they call me the-, the-, the-, the-, the-, THE INCREDIBLE HULK sometimes, you know I mean?
Pranker: Because I DUN DIDDLY DOO DAH I NEED ME SOME SATIFACTION in my BRAINS, by talking to Frank right now, please.
Manager: Ok, uh, Frank's-, Frank's with-, with-, with a customer right now.
Pranker: I need, I'll wait on hold-
Pranker: let's do it, DOOBLY DOO DAH, I need it.
Manager: You-, you sure? Because I can help you right now-
Pranker: No, no-
Manager: because I can help you right now.
Pranker: Fra-, Frank is THE MAN. Frank is my BUDDY, me and him we go way back, six minutes ago.
Manager: [giggles], what's your name sir?
Manager: Billy, what's your last name?
Pranker: What-, what you trying to do? Look me up on the BOOK FACE? I don't understand what's that for?
Manager: No, so that way we can, get an order created for you.
Pranker: Well, I'm not ready yet sir, I-, I just need-, I need me to-, I wanna be sure, I wanna be sure-
Pranker: that I'm gonna go with the HOME.
Manager: Well, which is fine, and I thank you for that.
Pranker: Okay, you know what I mean? Because right now, you know what I mean? I feel like the Customer-
Pranker: satisfactions he's a little below average, you know I'm, I might-, I might go over to uh-
Pranker: LOWE'S, maybe I'll-, I'll call up Lowe's or something.
Manager: Ok that-, that-, that's why I'm trying to deliver for you sir.
Pranker: Ok, and I'll wait on hold for Frank now, thank you.
Manager: I can-, let me put you on hold.
Pranker: Alrighty, shoobity, doobity. I'm on hold right now, I'm very angry, my feelings-, my feelings are all over the place.
Pranker: Frank hurt my feelings, I'm pissed off. Hello, Frankie? Where are you? FRANKIE, poo, where are you?
Pranker: I'd like to speak to you now, SHOOBITY DOOPITY DOO, where are you? Frankie, poo, [speaking as Buk Lau]: Like a someboody.
Guy: Hello sir?
Pranker [speaking as Tyrone]: Oh yeah, hello?
Pranker: Oh yeah, I took the phone from my friend right now, he's been really upset, about he call, he keeps tell-, trying to tell me-
Pranker: the story right now, told me he called the Home Depot, and-, and he's getting DISRESPECTED, I don't know what's happening-
Pranker: I-, I-, I'm having trouble hearing ya'll.
Guy: Disrespect in what regards sir?
Pranker: Okay, well I-, first of all, uhm, may I speak to Frank please?
Guy: Yes, this is Frank.
Pranker: Hey yo, what's up Frank, how's it going man?
Pranker: My-, my-, my-Guy: What's going on?
Pranker: my buddy Billy, right now he-, he-, he was over here, he's my roommate, he's-, he lives here with his wife on the-, on the bottom floor-
Pranker: and, and he's tearing up saying, crying, and you know, saying: "Diddly doo hurt my feeling." BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, and I don't know what to do.
Guy: Uh huh.
Pranker: Apparently, he was trying to call get some informations and-, and-, ya'll and-, and Frank was-, was being disrespectful.
Guy: Uh huh.
Pranker: So wh-, it's okay, can you tell me you-
Pranker: side of the story, so I can make some comparisons to understand what's happening.
Guy: You want my s-, okay yeah, what I was trying to express to-, to the gentleman over there is that uh-
Guy: he wants a-, he wanted us to kind of work a quote for a patio-
Guy: but he wanted to know about installs and somebody doing the work for him.
Guy: So I said ok, we have a at home services and he says: "No, no, no, I'm talking about the people that stand out in front of the Home Depot."
Guy: Uhm, so I told him, if he does want them to do the work, then he would have to come down and speak to them.
Guy: At that point he started uh, saying that I was being loud and disrespectful, and I just kept explaining to the gentleman that-
Pranker [speaking as Billy]: YOU LIAR, YOU LIE-
Guy: I-, I can't-
Pranker: SIR, YOU TOLD ME, you-, you-, you were so rude to me, you were-
Guy: Sir I was-
Pranker: mean to me, you were mean to me! You hurt my feelings. I'm-, I'm trying-, I'm sitting over here all BEAT UP wit the with a-
Pranker: with a packet of POPCORN trying to eat myself, make myself, FEEL BETTER, you hurt me man, what? FRANKIE POO, come on man, how you gonna do me like that?
Pranker: What did I do to you? I'm just trying to call and find out some INFORMATIONS, I'm-, I'm just getting disrespected here, I'm-, I'm an-
Pranker: equal member of the society, just like you! Would you agree?
Guy: Of course sir, of course I agree.
Pranker: Okay, sir I can't hear you, I-, I-, it's jus-, it-, you sound like you threw the phone down and went down the i-, isle, and were screaming down there-
Pranker: I can't hear you Frankie Poo.
Guy: I said I-, I said I agree sir, I do agree we-, we all are members of society.
Pranker: Okay, alrighty, we're making progress now, Frankie Poo, because we're d-, we're-, we're gonna, I-, me and you, we're equal, you know what I mean? I li-, uh-
Pranker: we're equal, you know? You DUN DIDDLY DOO DAH hurt my feeling, I'm-, I'm sitting over here, beat up in the corner wrapping my arms around a-
Pranker: bottle of Pepsi-Cola, slurping myself, trying to get myself A SUGAR HIGH so I don't FEEL so DOWN, I'm trying to get HAPPY, I can't get happy.
Pranker: When all I can think is Frankie Poo disrespected me, Frankie Poo.
Manager: Sir, this is Miguel, the manager.
Manager: How are you?
Pranker: H-, how you doing?
Manager: I'm doing alright.
Manager: HEY, I'd like to invite you down to our store, so that way we can get you taken care of.
Pranker: Yeah, NO I'M NOT, no, I don't think that's a good idea NO, I, NO WE SHOULDN'T, that's not a good idea, eh-, NO, with the pudding in the POPS, and the pudding-
Pranker: I can't do it.
Manager: [exhales] Ok sir, uhm, can we get you, can we get your information so that way we can go ahead and-
Manager: can I get you to look this up?
Pranker: I don't wanna be your BOOK FACE, I don't wanna be your BOOK-FACE FRIEND, I don't wanna do it, I don't wanna be your friend. You guys aren't friendly.
Pranker: You can't add me, ok? I'm gonna BLOCK YOU, if I get a add from you-
Pranker: I'm gonna block you, don't be adding no BILLY, okay? I got SIX FRIENDS ON THERE-
Pranker: and that's it, ME, my wife-
Manager: At this point-
Pranker: and my four children.
Manager: at this point I-, I'm-, I'm trying to be very nice with you, I'm trying to invite you to the store, so we can get you taken care of.
Pranker: Are you gonna-, are you gonna set up-, are you gonna set up a nice candlelight dinner or something? What are we gonna do?
Manager: Ok, I am gonna have to terminate this phone call-
Pranker: WE CAN MAKE AN EVENT ON FACEBOOK-
Manager: if I can not get any
Pranker: we can make an event? We can do it.
Manager: If I do not getting-, get any information pertaining to the installation of your deck, I am gonna have to terminate this phone call.
Pranker: Okay, but I thought you wanted to invite me over, so let's look if you wanna do that, I'll be your friend temporarily on the Bookface.
Pranker: You make an event, for whatever we're gonna do here.
Manager: I am sorry sir-
Pranker: That way I have-, I have the EVIDENCE!
Manager: I am hanging up.
Pranker: Just in case.
Manager: I am hanging up.
Manager: Have a great day sir.
Pranker: You don't do it, HELLO? Don't do that to me. I wanna be your BOOKFACE FRIEND, I changed my mind, we're BOOK FACE buddies now. Hello, hello?
Pranker: Where are my BOOK FACE BUDDIES? [laughing] [speaking to audience]: Oh my God.