- “I’m calling with the Colorado telephone district area line sector: Asian Alpha One”
- “Ma’am I understood probably 4% of what you just said”
- “All you have to do is repeat some phrases for me over the phone just so I can go ahead and test the frequency level for the bullshit OC3 optical majoogily”
Body of content:
In this classic Chinese takeout prank call, I told these funny employees that I was calling from the local telephone company and needed to “test their lines”. Right away, they tried to get off the phone because the manager wasn’t in, but I managed to get one nice lady to stay on the line through the weirdest phone test ever! I brought in Russell, with some occasional Buk Lau flair, to ask her to say some ridiculous lines back to me on the phone.
The lady was so nice and a great sport through this hilarious conversation. She got a huge kick out of Buk Lau’s “SUMBOOODEEE!”. Should I pull another “testing the phone lines” prank on some more restaurants? What phrases would you like me to ask them to say next time? Let me know what you think in the comments below!
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Lady: Hong [censored]
Pranker [speaking as Russell]: Uh, hello?
Pranker: Hi! My name is Russell Johnson, I'm calling with the Colorado Telephone District Area Line SECTOR ASIAN ALPHA 1, how are you doing today ma'am?
Lady: Oh! Pretty good! But then, owner is not here!
Pranker: Yeah, well see, but I-, I don't really need the owner right now, luckily we're-, I'm calling with the Phone Company we're doing some preliminary-
Pranker: ah, TESTING right now to avoid having to dig up some of the I-, the-, The Phone Lines surrounding your stores location, in an effort to no-
Lady: Okay, ok, okay, hold just a second, uh-
Pranker: IN AN EFFORT NOT TO-, ma'am! Ma-
Lady: Okay, hold just second.
Lady: I don't understand MUCH.
Pranker: It's okay! It's okay, TRUST ME, this is gonna be really easy for you, don't worry about it, alright? Hello?
Lady: Hey, can help you?
Lady: Yes, SPEAKING!
Pranker: Hi, uh, this is Russell Johnson, I'm calling with the Colorado te-, Telephone District AREA LINE SECTOR: ASIAN ALPHA 1, how are you doing today ma'am?
Lady: Yeah, pretty good!
Pranker: I'M GREAT! Uhm, I'm calling with the Phone Company and uh-, we're gonna be doing some uh-, DIGGING around your store location to fix some of the OC3-
Pranker: OPTICAL LINES, and uh-, wanted to go ahead and try to avoid doing that completely, just to not interrupt your business or uh, make you guys lose any money-
Pranker: potentially, so would you be able to go through some preliminary TESTING over the phone with me, real quick?
Lady: No, just leave that, uh, is the Hamburg? Is the, is owner! Then, he's not, he's day off today, it's a-, could you call back tomorrow?
Pranker: Ma'am, I un-
Pranker: I understood probably like 4% of what you just said, can you just say that one more time?
Lady: Yeah, he be here tomorrow.
Pranker: Yeah, YEAH, ma'am, the thing is, that, by- by-, tomorrow comes around, we're gonna be DIGGING UP, already, and your phone line's gonna BE DOWN, so I just want-
Pranker: to go ahead, all you have to do is repeat some PHRASES for me oVER THE PHONE, just so I can go ahead and TEST the FREQUENCY LEVEL for the BULLCRAP OC3 uh MAJOOGILY.
Lady: Oh, I don't understand.
Pranker: CAN YOU REPEAT AFTER ME? TEST, TEST, 1, 2, 3?
Lady: OH, just, uh, tell it to line? You just ball?
Pranker: YEAH, we-, we just have to make a TEST, that's all, just to test a sound to make sure it works okay with the OC3, uh B.S. OPTICAL, WAVE FREQUENCY MAJOOGILY!
Lady: Okay, so just the 1, 2, second digit?
Pranker: Uh, YEAH.
Lady: Mhm, okay, you can do that.
Pranker: OK, so, can you go ahead and, repeat after me, TEST, TEST, 1, 2, 3.
Lady: Okay, I just say that?
Lady: Okay, TEST! TEST! 1, 2, 3?
Pranker: Perfect, perfect! Okay, let me go ahead and PROCESS that information.
Pranker: Excellent! Okay, now, can you go ahead and say, DUH HELLO?
Lady: OK, hello?
Pranker: No, duh, HELLO?
Lady: Yeah, it's good!
Pranker: No, just repeat after-, can you repeat, duh hello? Just like that.
Lady: [Giggles] Hello.
Pranker: PERFECT! Excellent!
Pranker: OK, and now, let me see here, can you go ahead and repeat [speaking as Buk Lau] BOO SACK NOODLE?
Lady: BOO SAK NOODLE.
Pranker: One more time, [speaking as Buk Lau] BOO SACK, [speaking as Russell], noodle.
Lady: BOO, BOO, BOO SACK? BOO SACK NOODLE.
Pranker: Let me go ahead and slow it down for you a little bit, I need you to say [speaking as Buk Lau] boo sack [speaking as Russell] noodle.
Lady: BOO SACK NOODLE!
Pranker: Excellente! Excellent! You're doing very well right now ma'am, you're receiving an A-.
Lady: Oh, that's good now?
Pranker: I want to get you up to an A+, okay?
Lady: Ok, [laughing], okay!
Pranker: OK! The next one, I want you to say [speaking as Buk Lau] SUMBOODEH, [speaking as Russell] can you repeat that for me ma'am?
Lady: Oh, what I say?
Pranker: I WANT YOU TO SAY [speaking as Buk Lau] SUMBOODEH!
Lady: [Laughing] I can't-, I can't follow you like this!
Pranker: Ma'am! Just-, just take your time!
Pranker: I BELIEVE IN YOU! You don't want to get an A MINUS, I kno-, I know the ASIAN culture very well-
[More Asian chatter]
Pranker: and typically, they get very UPSET, unless they receive ONE HUNDRED PERCENT!
Pranker: And right now, you're at like a 91%, and I don't wanna let you go on a ninety-one!
Lady: [Giggles] I'm sorry about that.
Pranker: Okay, one more time! If you can go ahead and repeat, [speaking as Buk Lau] SUMBOODEH!
Lady: Oh, [giggles], okay! Just I-, I gonna hang up phone, okay, sorry about that.
Pranker: JUST TRY, just give it one little try ma'am, hello? Hello? Ma'am? ARE YOU THERE?
Pranker: [Laughing], Oh, I guess she wasn't down to try any more. She was great sport so, I'm gonna let-, I'm not gonna call back, because she was a nice lady, and she was laughing and all that good stuff.