Category: Gay hotline pranks, prank calls
Prank Victim: Gay hotline
Rage Level: Mellow
- “Oh, it's great I'm actually playing with my mandingo right now. Trying to excrete my man yogurt, if you know what I mean.”
- “I have a firm policy against being a creepy motherfarker unfortunately.”
- “I don't think you're coughing hard enough because I'm not getting an accurate reading here.”
Body of content:
This is one of the CRAZIEST prank calls I’ve ever had to the gay hotline! The guy I was matched with decided to act super creepy and started a roleplaying scenario involving a kid and a doctor. It was so uncomfortable, but I tried to play along as John while still saying the complete opposite of what he wanted me to say!
While talking to this CREEPY (apparently naked) dude, he desperately tried to get me to play along with his disturbing role play fantasy, no matter how many times I divert the conversation! What did you think of this crazy guy? Do you think the end of our call freaked him out a bit? Let me know your thoughts in the comments!
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Pranker [speaking to audience]: This is one of the craziest calls to the Gay Hotline.
Pranker: This guy decided to start being super creepy in roleplay scenario involving a child visiting a doctor.
Pranker: I decided to kind of play along but also tried to be the biggest buzzkill ever....
Pranker: ... by saying the exact opposite of what he was hoping to hear.
Pranker: Check this out.
Operator: You're matched, say hello.
Pranker: [speaking as John Mcain ]: Uh, hello?
Gay: Hi, how you doing?
Pranker: I'm great, how are you doing? Y-you sound hispanic, where are you from?
Gay: I'm Porto Rican, I'm here in Hawaii. I'm laying down jacking off, how about you?
Pranker: Oh, it's great I'm actually playing with my mandingo right now.
Pranker: Trying to excrete my man yoghurt if you know what I mean. [chuckles]
Gay: Yeah are you naked? Are you naked?
Pranker: I am! C-c-calm down, you're a little excited there...
Gay: Hey you like to roleplay?
Pranker: Yeah, I'm definitely down for that!
Gay: My name is Jerry, what's yours? [clears throat]
Pranker: My name is John.
Gay: John, I want to be 14 years old, and I want to come in to you, you're my doctor.
Gay: And I'm going to come in for a sports physical and you're going to pop my cherry, okay?
Pranker: Okay... Alright, I can do that!
Gay: And I- and I'm very naive, now I haven't jacked off yet but had a wet dream.
Gay: And I'm going to tell you about it okay? [inhales]
Gay: Hey doc! How you doing?
Pranker: I-I'm great, how are you doing buddy?
Gay: I haven't seen you in a couple of years doc, wow!
Pranker: Why, y-
Gay: Wow, you look nice!
Pranker: I know, you're all grown up!
Gay: Yes sir, yes sir...
Gay: I need a physical for sports. Am I your last patient today?
Pranker: Uhm, yes you are!
Gay: Okay, okay.
Gay: Well I took a shower, what do you want me to do?
Pranker: Uhm, alright. I'm going to go ahead and check your uh...
Pranker: ... your pulse here, let me go ahead and put this on, let me see your blood pressure.
Pranker: [inhales] Put on my stethoscope...
Gay: Do you want me to get down to my briefs doc, like before?
Pranker: Uh yeah, if you can go ahead and a-a-and get down to your briefs and put o-
Pranker: ... and put on this little blue hospital vest.
Gay: Can you do me a favor doc, and I'm kinda embarrassed...
Gay: Can you get down to your briefs also? Please? It- I'd just feel more comfortable is that okay?
Pranker: I-I think I-
Gay: That alright?
Pranker: I mean, uh, I-I-I would say yes but uh- due to your age I think it'd be...
Pranker: ... it would be a little inappropriate.
Gay: Yeah but that's okay, it's only you and I... I won't tell anybody. I promise.
Pranker: Yeah, I-I know but I-
Pranker: I have a firm policy against being a creepy motherfarker unfortunately.
Gay: Okay, okay doc. Okay...
Gay: Alright, let me get down to my briefs, here we go...
Gay: Now please don't- please don't mind me I'm starting to get hard on, it always happens okay?
Pranker: Eh i-it's- it's okay I mean I-
Pranker: Boys your age are always doing that kind of thing.
Pranker: I am a professional, so I will not be uh, you know violent, or crossing the line.
Gay: Okay doc, okay doc... Here we go.
Gay: Okay, what do you want me to do?
Pranker: Uh, okay, now if you could uh,let's see here...
Pranker: Uh, your pulse and everything looks OK, uh...
Pranker: Now let me go ahead and check your uh...
Pranker: Your downstairs area, I'm sure you've heard about this whole thing...
Pranker: Pe-pe-people need to cough I just need to check sure, make sure you're OK alright?
Pranker: It may be a little uncomfortable...
Gay: Yes sir. Yes, no, no, it's okay, and then you're going to put your finger up my b**t.
Gay: I remember that.
Gay: It's okay. It's okay.
Pranker: Alrighty, well... L-l- Can you go ahead and turn your head and cough for me?
Gay: Okay. [fake cough]
Pranker: [confused mumble]
Gay: Oh doc, your hands feel good on my balls, wow.
Pranker: We- eh- n-no- now turn the other side and cough again please?
Gay: [fake cough] Oh you're making me real hard doc, I'm sorry.
Pranker: See I- I don't think you're coughing hard enough because I'm not getting an accurate reading here.
Gay: Here we go. [fake cough]
Pranker: Okay, NOW WE'RE TALKING. Alright now, now turn the other side one more time and give me the [cough]?
Gay: [fake cough]
Pranker: See I-I'm feeling some lumps down here, something is wrong.
Gay: Really? O... kay...
Pranker: Something's really, really WRONG.
Gay: Well do what you got to do. Do what you got to do...
Pranker: I'm going to go ahead and write you a prescription here for the inflammation.
Pranker: Here's some Ibuprofen I think this will probably kind of set you straight for a little while...
Pranker: ... E- a- and if you can go ahead and talk to my receptionist and uh, set an appointment for 2-3 months...
Pranker: ... and I'll come back and check you again, how's that sound buddy?
Gay: Okay, okay doc...
Pranker: So h- h- how was tha- how was that for roleplaying?
Gay: Yeah, you got me real hard doc... Oh doc...
Gay: Doc I- I got to tell you something. I had a dream the other night.
Gay: And I woke up and my briefs were all full of this white stuff...
Gay: What’s going on?
Pranker: Uh, that might be some type of pus or inflammation, uhm...
Pranker: W-w-we may have to write you another prescription.
Gay: Well what happened doc, is- I woke up and this sticky stuff was in my briefs.
Gay: It was a good feeling I had.
Pranker: I-I-It could be a spider bite.
Gay: What do you call that?
Pranker: I've heard of these things called BROWN RECLUSE and if it bites you after a couple of days...
Pranker: There'll be some swelling, some-some, some, you know...
Pranker: Skin dying off and-
Gay: Noo, take a look, there's no swelling, it's just all that white stuff came out of my c**k.
Gay: And I read in a book [clears throat], they call it sperm. I don't know what that is.
Pranker: Ahhh! Ahhh!
Pranker: I see what you're talking about, why didn't you say so earlier?
Pranker: Basically what's happening is as-as a young boy sometimes you'll have some erotic dreams and...
Pranker: ... occasionally you'll wake up and find your-your sheets soiled.
Pranker: It's perfectly natural and you shouldn't have to worry about it.
Gay: But doc, but doc I was dreaming about you.
Pranker: Well that's inappropriate, I'm going to have to call my secretary in and talk to your mother about this.
Gay: Okay, is-is that a girl or a guy?
Pranker: It-it's a girl.
Gay: Well let me get my clothes on before she comes in.
Gay: Doc I kind of look in your pants, it looks like you've got a hard on.
Pranker:Uh- N- no I-I-I'm- I'm definitely flaccid. You must be kind of dream th-
Pranker: You're definitely imagining things.
Gay: No, look at your briefs! Look at your pants, it's sticking out.
Gay: Can I touch it?
Gay: Oh doc... Doc...
Gay: Can I see it doc? Please?
Pranker [speaking as Russell]: Dude, why are you so farking creepy? What's wrong with you?
Pranker: you want to see a d- You want to see like a- You want doctor to roleplay like violating a young boy?
Pranker: What the heck is wrong with you?
[phone call ends]