Category: Craigslist and Backpage pranks
Prank Victim: Cuddling Service
Rage Level: Mellow
- “I have a very particular set of skills. Skills that I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that would make me a NIGHTMARE for someone like you! I WILL FIND YOU, AND I WILL SNUGGLE YOU!”
- “W-what’s the protocol if somebody happens to, you know, ACCIDENTALLY, INEVITABLY, UNINTENTIONALLY get excited?”
- “I like to be the big spoon, I CAN’T BE NO LITTLE SPOON”
Body of content:
I found a strange ad on Craigslist for what was supposedly a cuddling service. That already sounded a little odd so I prank called them as Billy, pretending to be a lonely guy looking for a cuddle date, and maybe a little extra on the side! As sketchy as this whole thing sounds, they were adamant that the listing was purely for cuddling - NOTHING else!
Billy just wanted a nice date to cuddle with! I wonder why they were irritated so quickly? Do you think these guys get a lot of prank calls? What other kind of date prank calls would you like to see? Let me know what you think in the comments below!
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Pranker: Hey there! How ya doin'?
Cuddler1: Good, how are you?
Pranker: I'm great! Thanks. I saw your, uh, website about the, ugh, snuggling'?
Pranker: D-Do you still offer that service or what's the dealio?
Cuddler1: We do, yeah.
Pranker: Okay and, uhh, do you have like some type of rate for like 2 hour sessions?
Cuddler1: It would be $60 per hour so that would be $120.
Pranker: Okay... $60... Let's see here... A-And do I have like a selection of females to choose from who I would like to snuggle with or how does that work?
Cuddler1: Uhmm, there are two people who are available... Colleen and Michelle and it's partly dependent on scheduling so... If you were able to accommodate their schedule then yeah, you could pick which one.
Pranker: Okay, alrighty, and... This kinda came to mind just because I'm a little bit worried, uh... W-What's the protocol if somebody happens to, you know, accidentally, inevitably, unintentionally get excited?
Cuddler1: Uhm... It's not a problem, that's a normal reaction. But we just kinda avoid making any direct physical contact. So you might wanna change positions or take a breath and take a break, but it doesn't mean the session has to end. You just wanna... steer away from that direction.
Pranker: Okay. I just wanna make sure that if someone gets poked they're not gonna be like:''NO REFUNDS! GET OUT OF HERE!''. You know what I mean?
Cuddler1: Yeah, you m-, I mean... You might wanna change positions so it's not a distraction. Pranker: Okay,
Cuddler1: But, she wouldn't have to end the session.
Pranker: Well, I-I feel like if I have to change positions it would affect The Maximum S-Snuggle satisfaction... Because if I'm laying on my back we're not exactly snugglin', know what I mean? I-I like to be the big spoon, I can't be no little spoon.
Cuddler1: Okay, well it's up to the snuggler you're with, and they're — they are allowed like, at any point, if they're uncomfortable they can end the session. But, uhm, really you'd have to discuss that with whoever you got paired up with.
Pranker: Okay, and in the off chance that I'm able to schmooze and be like a very, uh... Nice gentleman do you think that there's any chance it would escalate?
Cuddler1: No. Uh, you know, actually I don't think this is the appropriate service for you, so I'm gonna let you go...
Pranker: Well, I-I...
Cuddler1: ... but thank you for calling
Pranker: I'M ACTUALLY... I really do want some snuggles! You know what I mean?
Cuddler1: Yeah, okay, thank you. Bye-bye.
Pranker: Okay and what is your availability like, tomorrow?
Pranker: H-Hi there! I w-I was just speaking to one of the snuggling specialists, and I believe the telephone got disconnected.
Manager: The telephone did not get disconnected, you were deemed to be acting inappropriately and if this phone is registered to an actual service plan with a registered provider I suggest you
Manager: To CEASE AND DESIST!
Manager: Because we WILL find out if it's a Verizon, AT&T or Sprint phone, and we will find out who you are!
Pranker: WHOA! WHOA!
Manager: So I would just stop calling...
Pranker: WHOA! WHOAA!
Manager: I would STOP calling.
Pranker: WHOA! WHOA!
Manager: I would stop... Calling now.
Pranker: SIMMER DOWN HERE! Okay, I HAVE VERY PARTICULAR SET OF SKILLS!
Pranker: SKILLS THAT I HAVE ACQUIRED OVER A VERY LONG CAREER. SKILLS THAT WOULD MAKE ME A NIGHTMARE FOR SOMEONE LIKE YOU! I WILL FIND YOU AND I WILL SNUGGLE YOU!!!