Category: Scammer pranks, Craigslist and backpage pranks, prank call
Characters: Juan, Tyrone
Prank Victim: Psychic
Rage Level: Moderate
- “You need to make yourself a spell to calm down”
- “You are being like a como se dice? BITCH!”
- “Can you do multiple things or can you only use your voodoo powers to do one thing at a time?”
Body of content:
Lady is cray high strung and won’t use her “powers” until she gets her money.
Pranker [speaking to audience]: In this prank, I called someone on Craigslist who's clearly a con artist.
Pranker: She supposedly has voodoo spells for virtually any problem you're having and says her magical-
Pranker: powers are beyond our imaginations, here's how that went.
Lady: Hello? Hello?
Pranker [speaking as Alejandro Juan Martinez]: Hello?
Lady: Uh huh?
Pranker: Hola, ¿Cómo estás? Necesito hablamos con, con, Miss Mary, please?
Lady: I can't hear you sir.
Pranker: Can I speak to Miss Mary, PLEASE?
Lady: Who's calling?
Pranker: I saw your advertisement on Craigslist.
Lady: OKAY, OKAY, where you calling me from? What city and state?
Pranker: I'm in, in [censored], si!
Lady: Okay you live [censored], well I'm [censored] too, you could see me! You wanna see me tomorrow?
Pranker: EXCELLENT! I-, I-, I-, want to talk to somebody FIRST, to-, to-, to-, to GET an IDEA, what-, what do you offer? And how much money you charge?
Lady: OK, what time could you see me? YOU HAVE TO SEE ME IN THE MORNING, you want to see me in the morning? Then I'll tell you where-
Lady: I liv-, I'll tell you where I am at.
Pranker: I-, I'M VERY NERVOUS.
Lady: Do you know where the hospit-
Pranker: I-, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, calm down, PLEASE! I am very NERVOUS, I want to talk to SOMEBODY who can at least tell me a LITTLE BIT, si! Si! I-, I want to-
Pranker: I want to getting re-unite with my WIFE! She, she left ME! And, and, I-, I don't know [sniffs], I don't know what to doing right now.
Lady: Okay, listen very carefully.
Lady: Now-, let me talk to you, and listen very carefully.
Lady: Okay, I could do whatever you want me to do, I could re-unite you, I could do, in whatever it is, that's for me to do for you, I will do.
Pranker: OKAY! But look, I-, I-, I-, I-
Lady: So listen very-
Pranker: but-, but HOW AH-, but what-, what-, can-, AHA-, you-, you gonna get MY WIFE TO LOVE ME AGAIN?
Lady: YES, I guarantee you that, I'll get your wife to love you, now listen very carefully.
Pranker: SHE-, SHE LEFT ME! For, for a BLACK GUY!
Lady: [yelling] LISTEN!
Pranker: She leave me!
Lady: You're talking so-, you're talking too fast for me! Now, listen what I'm telling you, do you have a pencil and a paper?
Lady: well you need a pencil and a paper, so I can give you my address!
Lady: I'm at 21-, 24-
Pranker: LISTEN! LOOK, LOOK, CALM, okay? I want to ask you FIRST, what-, what can-, can-, can we do here? I-, I-, how much-
Pranker: ooooo, what can you do for me? Porque, I don't wanna go to a STRANGER! I CRY ALL DAY, ALL NIGHT.
Lady: I'm not a-, SIR! I'm not a stranger!
Pranker: ARE YOU A WIZARD or something?
Lady: You called me-, you're calling me from [censored], and I'm telling you to see me tomorrow, and I'm giving you my ADDRESS.
Pranker: Are you-
Lady: So I could put you together, so I can do to you-, DON'T TALK TO MUCH!
Lady: You listen what I'm TELLING YOU.
Pranker: Look, I-, you need to make yourself a SPELL to calm down! Okay? Please.
Lady: Okay, that's what I'm telling you!
Lady: Listen very care-
Lady: LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY TO ME, I live on [censored]
Pranker: NO I DON'T CARE!!! WHERE YOU LIVE, OKAY? I want to know what you can do for ME! Because I AM VERY LONELY MAN NOW.
Lady: I understand that! I can do lot of things for you, you want your wife back? I can help you.
Pranker: But you-
Lady: You come in tomorrow morning, and get yor readings, I'll see a lot of things for you, then I'll tell you, and don't raise your voice on me!
Pranker: But look, I-, I-, I-
Lady: TALK RIGHT!
Pranker: I KNOW BUT, YOU-, YOU HURT MY FEELING! You know, I talk to you, you tell me-
Lady: THERE'S NO FEELINGS, I'm not hurting your feelings! There's no feelings TO HURT!
Pranker: You HURT! Look, ah-, you are a MAGICIAN! Right?
Lady: Listen. Listen. Listen! Listen!
Pranker: I'm not a-
Lady: If you wanna re-
Pranker: I AM TRAVELING for work right now! Because, I can't come tomorrow, because I wanna talk to you, FIRST, I wanna GIVE YOU, I can do your PAYPAL or something!
Lady: I SAID, co-, could you see me tomorrow?
Pranker: I-, I-, I-, I-, I am TRAVELING for work! OKAY? I am in a HOTEL right now! Becuase I can't come tomorrow, that's why I-, I try to tell-
Pranker: I wanna hear FIRST!
Lady: You're talking too loud for me! Co-, talk slower!
Lady: Okay, when could you see me?
Pranker: Okay, I can come, maybe, NEXT WEEK, or something, but I-, I wanna getting HELP right now! I can PAY YOU with my CREDIT CARD, or something.
Lady: Yeah, look, what you do, it's better off for you if you could see me tomorrow!
Pranker: I can't do it...
Pranker: LOOK, MAGICIAN, WIZARD, VOODOO LADY! I need your HELP, okay? Can you not HELP ME on the telephone?
Lady: I said I could do what you want, if you could see me tomorrow! If you live in [censored], this is where I live-
Lady: I'm trying to explain to you, if you're listening!
Pranker: look, but you're-
Lady: I live at twenty one-, LISTEN! DON'T TALK!
Pranker: You're being, how do you say? BITCH!
Lady: I live at 21, 24.
Pranker: YOU'RE BEING A, HOW DO YOU SAY, BITCH! Don't talk to-, I don't want to know your address right now, because I want a you to HELP ME on the telephone PLEASE!
Lady: I will help you! Okay, when can you see me? I will HELP YOU, that's what I'm trying to tell you!
Pranker: Next week, or something! But, how do you say?
Pranker: You're-, you're-
Lady: Call me next-, call me next week, and I'll tell you how to come.
Lady: Okay, BYE!
Pranker: You're being like a, how do you say, BITCH! Hello? Hello? [laughing] [speaking to audience]: God, sorry was I blowing out your eardrum-
Pranker: you guys with that whole Hispanic thing.
Pranker [speaking as Tyrone]: Uh, yeah, may I speak to Miss Mary?
Lady: Who's calling?
Pranker: Uh, YEAH, this is TYRONE, I saw your advertisement for the uh-, THE LOVESPELLS.
Lady: Where you calling me from? What city and state?
Pranker: I'm in Los Angeles, California. I got recommended to you by a friend-
Lady: Ok, could you hold on a minute sir?
Pranker: I SURE CAN!
Lady: Thank you.
Pranker: DON'T TAKE TOO LONG NOW, [giggles]
Lady: Thank you!
Pranker: Uh, hello?
Lady: Yeah, I'm here. Now, what seem to be your problem?
Pranker: Uh, YEAH, you know, I, I've been going through a uh-, A ROUGH financial time-
Pranker: lately, well-, well-, well-, eh, it's kind of a UPCOMING financial time, I got-
Pranker: gots, I got a good amount of money saved away, but it's kind of been DWINDLING-
Pranker: and, I'm just trying to, you know, GET BACK on there, and also I'm trying to win back my BOO BOO.
Lady: Okay, like, for you-, oh, eh-, what kind of work do you do? Do you work? You do?
Pranker: Uh, YEAH, I'm-, I'm an aspiring RAP ARTIST, so uh, on the weekends, I'll go to uh, THE CLUB and-
Pranker: and-, and-, do some BEAT BOXING [beat boxing], I mean I'll do SOME OF THAT, I'll do a bit of, you know?
Pranker: A little bit a ACTING when I can, you know, I be a little EXTRA on the SIDE. And I just trying to do what I-
Lady: Okay, so, what is that you want me to do? What is that you want to me to do for you?
Pranker: OK, I want you to uh, first of all, c-, can you do multiple things? Or can you on-, only use your VOODOO POWERS?
Pranker: To do one thing at a time?
Lady: Like what for instance?
Pranker: Uh, for example, I would like to get back with my-, with my girl BERTHA, she left me like a COUPLE months ago.
Pranker: She said that: "I'm going downhill, I can't be-, I can't see us, I can't see a future together, li'l-, li'l-, LI'L JOHNNY'S-
Pranker: gonna grow up and be ON THE STREETS like this!" And she took our BABY!
Lady: Yeah. Well, what I need to do, I could work on that, that's no problem, I can do all that, what I need to do-
Lady: I need to look in your problems, I need to feel the Vibrations, I need to see where they're coming from, and when they're not.
Lady: My work is guaranteed. My work is very confidential.
Lady: And uh, if you want me to help you, you got to be honest and truthful with me, you understand? I can help you!
Pranker: I'll be, I-, I understand!
Lady: Altogether for-, altogether for-
Lady: My work-, it will cost you $175 Dollars, now how soon do you think you can mail that out to me?
Pranker: Wait so, what-, what-, what do I need to mail to you?
Pranker: OH, I gotta mail you-, uh-, do you take CHECKS?
Lady: No, I don't take checks, NO.
Pranker: So uh-
Lady: Cou-, cou-, cou-, could you mail this on the Western Union to me tomorrow?
Pranker: But-, but what-, I'm sorry, eh-, do you mind explaining why you don't take checks? I'm-, I'm COMPLETELY DOWN-, $175 is no prob-
Lady: I don't take checks FROM OUT OF STATE SIR. I DON'T TAKE CHECKS FROM OUT OF STATE, that's why.
Lady: OKAY, I DO NOT ACCEPT CHECKS.
Pranker: WHY YOU RAISING YOUR VOICE? YO, YO, YOU USE GODDAMN SPELL TO CALM YOUR ASS DOWN, how about that?
Pranker: DAMN. RELAX. So, ca-, can-, CAN I PAYPAL YOU? Hello? HELLO? [laughing] [speaking to audience]: Alright, she hung up, I guess she didn't like that insult being said to her in two different ways [laughing].