Category: Holiday prank, prank call
Characters: Buk Lau
Prank Victim: Safeway
Rage Level: Mellow
- “Sumboodee make a big EXPLOSION inside the turkey, right?”
- “Okay can I talk to sumboodee who’s not a stupid PLEASE?!”
- “You go, and you pull the turkey out, and inside is a big FECE”
- “The customer is always right, and right now you are being the motherf****** a****** guy, right now”
- ‘I’m going to come there with two chopstick and shove up your a**, okay?”
Body of content:
What would you do if your frozen Thanksgiving turkey came filled with a nasty poop explosion?! That’s exactly the scenario I told this super serious Safeway manager when I prank called them! I don’t think they get prepped for a situation like THIS in their employee training!
I have to admit, this manager handled my crazy story pretty patiently and stayed professional when I gave him the unbelievable details of the Thanksgiving tragedy. Although, my chopstick threats didn’t sit well with him and he accused me of threatening his LIFE! All Buk’s antics in this prank had him thoroughly done with this call and ready to call the police.
What kind of Thanksgiving turkey pranks would you like to see me do in the future? Have you ever found anything crazy in store-bought food? Tell me in the comments!
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[phone operator speaking]
[phone button sound]
Phone operator: One moment, please. [phone ringing]
Employee: Thank you for calling the bakery, this is tranny speaking, how can I help you?
Pranker: Duh, hello I calling now like a 56 time you know
Pranker: Try to talk to the meat department but nobody answer.
Pranker: I try to do the customer service but nobody answer
Pranker: This so frustrating today
Employee: Yes, what can I help you out with?
Pranker: Okay I come-I come the other day and I buy the, uh, the frozen turkey right?
Pranker: The, for the Thanksgiving?
Pranker: Uh, can you hear me?
Employee: Ah- YES I CAN HEAR YOU. I'm listening.
Pranker: Okay. I buy the turkey right? And I come uh, I come to throw it
Pranker: in the fridge right? I leave for the 2 day. [inhales] and...
Pranker: I wake up in the morning and I notice the smell...
Pranker: It's a very very very bad!
Employee: Well bring it back, bring it back
Employee: As long as you have the receipt we can get your money back.
Employee: Eh, or we can exchange it I don't want you-
Employee: I don't want you- we can do whatever you want, miss.
Pranker: OKAY! But I don't understand
Pranker: if somebody trying to be fun-funny or what the heck happen, right?
Pranker: I try to you know, I-I put in the fridge
Pranker: I get the I-I-I wake up in the morning and the whole house smell like the
Pranker: The ups the-the-the TERRIBLE okay?
Pranker: [breathing in] so-
Pranker: Yeah, maybe maybe uh maybe [mumbling]
Employee: You can either come back, you send it turkey you'll get
Employee: get you money back. Either way is fine
Employee :No problem with that.
Pranker: Are you in the meat department?
Employee: [mumbling] we all have the same customer service, we can help you out with...
Employee: We'll give you... We'll give you your money back or we can exchange it
Pranker: ... okay but I don't, I want to know...
Employee: We're very sorry about that
Pranker: What the heck happen OKAY LET ME FINISH
Pranker: I don't know if somebody try to be funny, if there's some kind of joke or what hap-
Pranker: Or what happen right? But this very embarrassing for me!
Pranker: I open the turkey right? I look in what the heck smell so bad? Right?
Pranker: I- it look like somebody do the dirty thing INSIDE!
Employee: Somebody do a finger sa-
Pranker: NO! SOMEBODY [sigh]
Pranker: It look like somebody do the bathroom inside the turkey right?
Pranker: And I come and smell so BAD
Employee: [mumbling] be in the warehouse we're very sorry about this.
Employee: Just come on over, bring it-bring it or-
Pranker: Duh, what the heck look-look-look [screams]
Employee: You don't need to bring the tur-
Pranker: LISTEN TO ME
Pranker: Look, somebody make a big- make a big explosion inside the turkey right?
Pranker: And it smell my whole house smell terrible right?
Pranker: I don't want a new turkey, it's a so simple right?
Pranker: But I want somebody to talk to me tell me what the heck we do for this! okay?
Pranker: 'Cause a refund is not enough, okay?
Pranker: That's a nothing for me!
Employee: Yeah don't worry about it we- le- let me get
Employee: Let me get you someone that will help you out right now, hold on
Pranker: Okay tell them what the heck happened okay? I don't want to repeat it
Employee: [mumbling] yeah, yeah I'll tell them
Employee: Yeah, please hold on. Please hold on, please hold on.
Employee: I-I'll let you, I'll [mumbling]
Pranker: Okay, HURRY UP!
Employee: [shouting in the background] [call is paused]
Manager: This Tom, how can I help you?
Pranker: Hello. Can I talk to somebody who the manager please?
Pranker: Did-did-did WHO-who-who I talk to before he tell you?
Pranker: What the heck happen ?
Pranker: Okay, I'm sorry, my english is not the best thing
Pranker: So I try to tell him what-what happened to the turkey I buy from the Safeway.
Pranker: Okay. I buy the-the frozen turkey right?
Pranker: I buy from the-from the Safeway and I put in my fridge.
Pranker: Okay? I let it for the 2-3 day, okay? In the refrigerator, okay?
Pranker: And I wake up the next day and the whole house smell terrible! Okay?
Pranker: I don't know-
Pranker: I look in, you know, why-why-why what the heck is this okay?
Pranker: I open the fridge I find the smell [POOM] my face, you know?
Pranker: And... I-I open- I look near the turkey I ta-
Pranker: I take out to throw away and I look inside
Pranker: And it look like somebody make a big explosion inside, do the dirty thing...
Pranker: I don't know what to do, what the heck to think, you know?
Manager: I have no clue [chuckles]
Manager: Never heard of that one before
Pranker: I'm sorry okay? It's a very... It's a very... What word to, awkward?
Pranker: Is that what the say, I don't know what-what to say, how to say, you know?
Pranker: I'm so embarrassed. Somebody, somebody...
Pranker: Look like somebody use a big bathroom inside the turkey to be funny?
Pranker: I don't know it's a disgusting though.
Manager: [bossing people in the background]
Manager: Yeah just go ahead and bring the turkey back in
Pranker: I don't want to touch that bull-a crap again you know?
Manager: Yeah just go ahead and bring it back in and we'll get you your money back, though.
Pranker: Okay but... Okay you have to understand okay?
Pranker: This is not a simple you know okay here is your 10$ you know infinite solution.
Pranker: W-what the heck do I do somebody take a big CRAP
Pranker: Inside the turkey
Manager: I-I honestly don't know sir. I've never heard of that before.
Pranker: Okay, what the heck wh-what you gonna do for me?
Pranker: I need to have some kind of-
Manager: Uh, there's nothing I really can do for you, I'm sorry.
Pranker: What kind of comp- okay somebody take a big crap inside my turkey you can't do anything?
Manager: No, unfortunately not sir.
Pranker: Okay, can I talk to somebody who is not stupid, please?
Manager: I'm the store manager, sir. Just bring the turkey back in and then we can talk about it.
Pranker: Okay, you want me to carry a big turkey, right? That smell like the crap
Pranker: To-to pick up put in my car, make my car smell like the crap too, right?
Pranker: It's-it's-it's sound like a genius idea, right?
Manager: Unfortunately, uh, that's the only way we can uh, go about fixing it.
Pranker: Okay well tell me if I bring the turkey what we gonna do I just get a refund?
Pranker: That's it?
Manager: A refund, yeah.
Manager: And we'll replace it for you.
Pranker: Well can I talk to you know, this is a
Pranker: This is a very big problem for me
Manager: I'm the store manager sir.
Pranker: Okay but you don't-
Manager: You can come see me than we can help you out, but I need uh, I-I need the turkey in hand.
Pranker: You are not being the very helpful right now.
Manager: I need the turkey in hand, unfortunately.
Pranker: Okay I will bring you the turkey, the crap all of it will come okay?
Pranker: But what the heck we gonna do okay I don't want just a refund okay?
Pranker: Bye-bye. Not that simple. This is a very traumatizing.
Manager: I'm sorry to hear about that sir. But unfortunately until I can...
Pranker: What-what the heck would you do okay?
Pranker: Okay. Think about it, okay. You go home, you-you defrost a turkey right?
Pranker: You want to cook the next day, you want to do the marinating right?
Pranker: And you go and you pull the turkey out and inside is a big fece, you know?
Pranker: Somebody make a big explosion you know?
Manager: Uh, I don't know, unless they didn't uh...
Manager: Take all the guts out, did you take all the guts out?
Pranker: No, it's-it's not a guts somebody take a crap inside!
Pranker: Take a big poo! It's not-not a gut, not a normal somebody tried to be the funny.
Pranker: But it is a disgust!
Manager: Uhh, we don't... We don't even touch our turkeys...
Manager: They come in pre-packaged. So unfortunately
Manager: there's nothing here at the store that we did.
Pranker: Okay. Wha-Wha- okay yeah I buy from you right?
Pranker: You have to give me the quality things, okay?
Pranker: I want to know what the heck you're gonna do for me...
Pranker: ... to compensate okay? The my 10$ mean bull crap right now you know?
Pranker: This is a disgusting!
Manager: Unfortunately, on compensation w-what were you expecting to get from me sir?
Pranker: You know, like a gift card or something.
Manager: A gift card? I-I we're not allowed to give out gift cards.
Pranker: Okay can I have uh, free shopping spree or something, for some groceries?
Manager: No, unfortunately not sir.
Pranker: Why is that one?
Manager: I can't just hand out free money for everybody.
Manager: Uh, I understand that you had a traumatic experience, if you come in we can talk about it...
Manager: And depending on what you actually have in the turkey...
Manager: We can try to come up with solutions.
Pranker: Okay I am telling you right now, you have to understand okay?
Pranker: I don't want to bring the stupid reason.
Pranker: Is it not worth it okay? It smell terrible
Pranker: I-I go next to it I want to throw up like [throwing up sounds]
Pranker: You know what I'm saying?
Manager: But if I do any type of compensation or anything like that I need to send the turkey back.
Manager: I need proof of, uh, proof of it all.
Manager: But... I would need the turkey.
Pranker: Well let's talk! Okay, it's a disgusting, I don't know what to do!
Pranker: You know I come in I want to feed my family, you know?
Pranker: I buy the turkey I put inside refrigerator and it have the disgusting stuff inside!
Manager: No problem. We'll help you out with whatever we can do once we get that turkey in hand, though.
Manager: But we need to be able to send it back.
Pranker: Okay- [stressful sigh] you've-
Manager: So you bring me the turkey and then we can uh,
Manager: go ahead and give you a compensation, as best as possible.
Pranker: Okay like a [mumbling]
Manager: But I can't guarantee anything over the phone.
Manager: I can't guarantee anything over the phone
Manager: It's all based off of wh-wh-wh-what the actual turkey will show.
Pranker: Okay I tell you okay use your imagination okay
Manager: I understand that sir, but I need the turkey.
Pranker: Take a big shit inside the turkey!
Pranker: and it smell bad they freeze it
Pranker: I unfreeze it, the smell evaporating right...
Pranker: [imitating gas sounds] like a gas!
Manager: Unfortunately, sir I-I need the turkey in hand. I-I can't take just your word on it.
Pranker: And now the whole the wh- you want to come over and take a whiff ?
Pranker: I will bring you the turkey but I'm asking you first what we gonna do...
Pranker: Let's come to agreement first.
Manager: I can't agree over the phone, sir.
Pranker: Why not-
Manager: Until I actually see it.
Pranker: Can you not be the so difficult please and just listen to me?
Pranker: The customer's always right, and right now you're being
Pranker: the motherfarking arsehole guy! Right now.
Manager: Sir, please don't curse at me, okay?
Pranker: LISTEN! You not do the right thing for me okay?
Pranker: You make me so frustrate! Who to come there right now with the two chopstick!
Pranker: I won't say it okay, I'm gonna be the good boy.
Pranker: I need you to tell me something, what we gonna do?
Manager: Sir, I'll compensate you, but I can't say anything over the phone...
Manager: ... until I actually see the turkey.
Manager: That's my last and final offer.
Pranker: Okay, I-I already tell you, okay you know eat inside the turkey...
Pranker: ... somebody take a big crap okay, somebody...
Pranker: somebody take a- have a big meal and they took a big crap inside the turkey.
Pranker: And they close it, think it's funny.
Pranker: It's not funny. Do tou hink it's funny?
Manager: No sir, I don't.
Pranker: Right, it's not funny, so tell me what can you do for me, don't be arsehole!
Pranker: Do you think-
Manager: There's nothing I can do sir. I cant give you a gift card
Manager: Maybe you cant take like 10$ of your next bill, plus the refund.
Pranker: 10$, that's it?
Manager: That's it.
Manager: That's it, sir.
Pranker: That's a bull crap! I have a traumatizing experience
Pranker: My house smell like crap now! I have to air out or something.
Manager: Sir, that's my-that's my only offer, okay?
Pranker: Okay loo- WHO ELSE the manager there, can I talk to them?
Manager: I'm the store manager sir.
Pranker: But you are being a stupid motherfarker right now.
Manager: Sir, you curse at me one more time and the offer is gone completely
Pranker: I'm going to come there with a two chopstick and shove up your arse, okay?
Pranker: Don't fu-
Manager: Okay sir, now you're threatening me so now I can't even let you in my store anymore.
Pranker: I'm coming! I'm coming right now!
Manager: Okay sir, I'm gonna call the cops if you come in because you just threatened my life.
Pranker: I'm bring the two chopsti- sir the chopstick is very gentle okay?
Pranker: It's a very sof-
Manager: No sir, sir you just threatened my life I can't let you in the store anymore.
Pranker: Okay how you know witch one is me?
Manager: If you come in asking for turkey.
Pranker: Okay, okay, it's Thanksgiving around the corner motherfarker
Pranker: I-I apol- you know.
Pranker: I can't allow my employees to be threatened.
Pranker: Okay, okay, you want to know the difference
Pranker: I will come there by like a ninja right?
Pranker: With the two chopstick.
Manager: No problem, sir. If you do you will be arrested on sight.
Pranker: Okay how the heck you gonna know?
Pranker: Okay so anybody that have, uh, chopstick you be like "oh that the guy who called me"?
Manager: Most likely, yes.
Manager: Because I don't think I've gotten any other threats for chopsticks.
Pranker: Okay, I change it, maybe I bring a fork or something a spork you know?
Pranker: The combination.
Manager: I don't understand why you keep threatening me sir.
Pranker: I'm not, 'cause you very you be arsehole you know?
Pranker: I have a very traumatized experience, you tell me
Pranker: " oh here's a 10 dollar" okay, I wipe my arse with 10$
Manager: Okay sir, well I can't do much else for you now.
Pranker: Why not?
Manager: Because you are threatening me.
Pranker: Are you scared?
Pranker: Okay then what is the problem?
Manager: Uh, you're... you're not being, you know...
Manager: ... coherent with me right now...
Pranker: I am I am being the very co-
Manager: I'm offering you the solution and all you keep doing...
Pranker: I try to talk to you...
Manager: ... is trying to threaten me with chopsticks.
Pranker: No, you 'cause you don't want to do the right thing for me
Pranker: The customer is always right, okay so you-
Manager: Well how much are you expecting to get from me sir?
Pranker: Like a 200$ or something, somethi-
Manager: No, it's not gonna happen.
Manager: No, not that much. [ corporate rhetoric ]
Pranker: Okay but not when somebody take a big crap inside a turkey.
Manager: [repeating the same thing again]
Pranker: But eh, can we just rewind for like 5 minute? [ slurp ]
Pranker: Forget about it.
Manager: No sir, you have already made a inaudible threat on me.
Pranker: No no we are friend.
Manager: No, not anymore.
Pranker: Why not?
Manager: You threatened me.
Pranker: So what, you-you told me you not scared
Pranker: It's a very friendly you know, that's what they say when they say....
Manager: Doesn't matter if I'm scared or not you threatened me and I can't take that chance with my employees.
Pranker: What you think I'm going to come and kill everybody with a chopstick or something?
Manager: Uh, I don't know sir
Pranker: Don- they are very dull chopstick okay so it's a very, very simple.
Pranker: Okay look, can I talk to somebody else please?
Manager: I'm the store manager sir.
Pranker: But you are the stupid arsehole.
Manager: I can give you the customer hotline number and you can deal with them.
Manager: But unfortunately now you can't come to the store anymore.
Pranker: Okay I'm coming right now okay arsehole
Pranker: I come right now I talk to you face to face you know?
Pranker: Okay I'm gonna take a big crap
Manager: I'll be here another 10 minutes!
Pranker: I'm gonna take a big crap on you you know how it feel right?
Pranker: Then you can smell my pain!
Manager: I'll be here another 10 minutes.
Pranker: Okay you ready for the big dump on your chest!
Manager: Sure! And if you doing anything the cops will be here.
Manager: I'll call them right now so that they're on their way.
Pranker: Okay I'm coming right now I'm gonna eat some beans right now
Pranker: so I can get ready okay? 15 minutes I digest.
Pranker: Okay. Bye.
Pranker: Do you love me too? [call ends] [laughing]