The FBI, like most government bodies, gets their fair share of the limelight. People just can’t get enough of the crime-fighting intrigue. I mean, who hasn’t seen a cartoon, TV series, or movie create their own take on FBI work? From Yes, I’m Hot in This’ Agent Darius to The Blacklist’s Elizabeth Keen, there are so many versions of the stereotypical “FBI agent.”
Besides the rivalry for jurisdiction (FBI vs. CIA or FBI vs. Local Law Enforcement), not much is known. Their work is classified until the investigation is over. Even then, you can’t be 100% sure about their process.
All of this together makes them perfect for prank calls.
What’s An FBI Prank Call?
FBI prank calls can mean one of two things:
A prank call to the FBI hotline.
A prank call posing as an agent.
Both can create hilarious results, but the stakes are high. These approaches aren’t the most legal - if you know what I mean. As we mentioned in our blog, What Happens If You Call 911, you can get in serious trouble for hoax calls during investigations, especially those that give out false information/tips.
P.S The FBI can get just as mad as emergency services when prank calls get in the way of their work.
However, while most common FBI prank calls are usually off-limits, there are loopholes. You can still make some prank calls. You just need to be careful about how you go about it.
Different FBI Prank Call Scenarios
If you can’t make false reports to the FBI and can’t pose as an FBI agent - what can you do? Here are a couple of prank scenarios you can try:
Calling The FBI
When it comes to calling the FBI hotline, there is one thing you should always avoid: making false reports. Don’t report friends, family, or strangers as a prank in the hopes that your victim gets into serious trouble. This is called swatting, and it is a clear misuse of their services *cough* not to mention illegal *cough*.
Fake fire, fake stabbings, fake drug deals, fake + any crime, is a big no-no. If you want to call their toll-free number and it’s on your bucket list - stick to puns and one-liner jokes. You might still get a scolding, but nowhere near the backlash of actually prank calling the FBI.
Here are some FBI jokes you can use:
“An FBI agent was called in to speak to the manager of a bank that has been robbed 3 times in a row by the same guy.
He asked, ‘what kind of distinguishing features does the man have? Height, weight, moles, tattoos, clothes?’
The manager replied, ‘I don’t know. The only thing I noticed was that he was better dressed each time.’”
“Between the FBI, CIA, and DEA - which one is the best at finding people? Answer: The IRS.”
“My mother is on the FBI’s most-wanted list. Apparently, giving birth to me was a crime against humanity.”
Old Ball And Chain
“Spouses are a lot like FBI agents. They won’t ask you a question they don’t already know the answer to.”
“My FBI agent just left me. Apparently, I’m too clingy.”
These jokes are funny and simple. You can also repurpose them for local law enforcement. It doesn’t cross any lines, and it doesn’t take up too much of their time.
Dare call their hotline number? If you do, don’t forget to share your experience! It might just end up in our Hall of Fame!
However, between prank calling the FBI hotline and calling family and friends - the latter is more common. After all, you are still in your community. You know your victim well and can plan the script with them in mind. Unlike talking to a random person like the FBI dispatcher, you know exactly what buttons to push and when to push them.
Here are some prank call ideas you can try:
Right before a big vacation, start spam calling them, but don’t overdo it. Maybe try to ring their office or home number twice a day and always put it down when they answer. This helps you set the scene.
After their vacation, call again. Stay quiet for a second or two, then play a click sound, you know, like the ones you hear when you put down the phone. But instead of cutting the call, say something cryptic like:
“[Random Code Name] is back in the country. Project [X] will continue at [date and time]”
“Update status report, [code name] is back from [name vacation city]. More information is needed about activities abroad.”
Your timing has to be perfect. People are quick to put down the phone nowadays. You need them to think you accidentally let them in on a little secret.
Check the FBI’s most-wanted list and try to find someone who vaguely looks like a friend or family member. Make a call and start asking them questions.
“Is this [criminal’s name]?”
“Where were you on [date and time]?”
“Who were you with?”
“Can anyone verify this story?”
Don’t use the name they give you. Always refer to them as the person you found on the wanted list. When they look it up later - they will slowly piece things together. And anytime they try to ask you to clarify, take a page out of the local police’s book and shut those questions down.
“We’ll be asking the questions here.”
“Answer our questions first.”
You want to look like you are in the FBI without actually saying you are.
I Work With The FBI
Call your target and pretend that you are a regular telemarketer looking for people to answer a survey. Mix in innocent questions with things that are a bit more hard-hitting. In the middle of the call, play the sound of a police scanner or something that you might hear in the FBI’s office than your run-of-the-mill call center.
Your script can go something like this:
Prank Caller: Hi, good morning/afternoon. I’m [fake name] with [fake company], and we are looking for people to answer a survey about an average workday. It won’t take more than 5 mins, and all your answers will be confidential. Are you interested in being one of our participants?
Prank Caller: Great! I’ll be reading out the questions. How many hours do you work in a week? What are some of your responsibilities?
Target: [answers questions]
Prank Caller: How important is it for your company to keep client confidentiality? Have you ever had Russian clients?
Target: Um, no?
Prank Caller: Interesting? Have you ever had a client named [random name]?
Target: Sorry, what is this? I thought this call was about work?
Then end with: Thank you for your answers. They will be very helpful in creating a better environment for Americans everywhere. Goodbye!
This is sure to mess with their head.
Remember, the key to all successful prank calls is showmanship! Get convincing sound bytes. Look into voice soundboards. Learn how to improvise. When you put all the elements together, you are sure to have a hilarious prank call.
Read More: The Art of Pranking: Improv Tips
It’s worth mentioning again that FBI-themed phone calls are like walking on eggshells. You want to make sure your jokes are funny but still within the scope of well-meaning fun. To keep your prank calls drama-free, remember:
1. Do not pose as an FBI officer
You might be able to insinuate that you are an agent, but you cannot just say “This is the FBI” and make random threats. It is illegal, and you can get into serious trouble. Misdemeanors can get up to $1,000 in fines, while felonies can go up to $10,000.
2. Do not try to imitate FBI scams
An FBI scam is just as common as IRS and social security scams. While it is an instant way to mess with friends and family - it is illegal. For one thing, you are still posing as an officer, and secondly, you are using a format that tries to get money, information, or anything of value.
Keep the petty scams to the scammers. Even if you don’t actually have real victims, you don’t want your caller ID to be reported. They take this shit seriously.
If you never cross the line, you can make your prank calls without getting into trouble.
For more ideas, you can download Ownage Pranks’ prank call app. There we have dozens of pre-recorded scripts that you can send to random phone numbers. If you want something that screams more you - request a prank call. We can help you bring your pranking visions to life. From FBI prank calls to April Fools’ classics, don’t be afraid to play around!