Category: Restaurant pranks, prank call
Prank Victim: Subway
Rage Level: Mellow
- “I asked for that they could be kind of put interlaced properly so that I get MAXIMUM CHEESE COVERAGE”
- “Like you about to pop through my goddamn telephone cord and take a bite out of me or something, I AIN’T NO SANDWICH!”
- “No one’s going to come after you and like, beat you with a motherfarkin piece of bread”
Body of content:
Tyrone ordered a footlong sandwich at Subway, and it was definitely not a whole 12 inches - what a rip off!! I pranked a Subway as Tyrone to complain about a less-than-footlong sandwich that didn’t even have maximum cheese coverage. They seemed hesitant to provide a discount or refund, but what about a date with one of the employees?
It turns out picking up the Subway ladies is not easy! Tyrone got shot down by two female employees who seemed a bit amused by his cheesy remarks. Should I call this Subway back? Where should Tyrone look for a date next? Tell me in the comments below!
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Employee: Subway, can I help you?
Pranker: Uh, yeah, may I speak to a manager please about a
Pranker: unsatisfactory experience I had at a Subway location?
Employee: Yes, speaking. Can I help you?
Pranker: YEAH! What's up? Ey- Maria is this you?
Pranker: Ey yo Maria! How you been girl?
Employee: Good, who is this?
Pranker: Uh, this is Tyrone. I eat there all the time.
Pranker: Alright, well uh, I-I came in there
Pranker: and I purchased the uh, a-a foot long
Pranker: uh turkey br- uh chicken breast sandwich on the
Pranker: 9 grain oats... A-and the sandwich was just
Pranker: not on point it did not taste very good and I
Pranker: also noticed that it was a little on the short side.
Employee: Uh, what time do you came?
Pranker: I came in yesterday around uh, like 3 p.m.
Pranker: See n-not only was the sandwich not of the right size,
Pranker: but like the way you all put the toppings in there,
Pranker: you all-you all g-gave me like the cheese over lapping
Pranker: each other for one! I asked for that they could be kind of
Pranker: put interlaced properly so that I get maximum
Pranker: cheese coverage on my sandwich!
Pranker: And then, on top of that, when I was asking for the vaggies
Pranker: you all started putting like lettuce, I asked for
Pranker: extra tomatoes! You all gave me the-the end pieces.
Pranker: You know what I'm saying? Like, the tomato has that little white
Pranker: core spot. WHO-WHO LIKES TO EAT THAT?! NOBODY!
Pranker: You know what I'm saying? So like- I don't know what
Pranker: to do right now!
Employee: Can- You can come to the location, and we can-
Pranker: WOAAH, WOAH, W-WOAH!
Employee: So we can see.
Pranker: Relax. Damn girl, alright go ahead!
Pranker: Excuse me sir?
Pranker: I said relax! You were getting all-
Pranker: You were getting all heated! Rising your voice on me!
Pranker: Y- like you about to pop through my god damn telephone
Pranker: core and take a BITE OUT OF ME or something. I ain't no
Pranker: sandwich. Relax.
Employee: Uh, sir, wuh...
Employee: I just trying to me nice that I can
Pranker: See, th-th-
Pranker: NOW YOU BEING NICE! That's what I like to hear! You see-
Pranker: now you calm and collected, before you were getting all
Pranker: RILED UP! You were scaring me a little bit, Maria!
Pranker: I was getting a little bit frightened!
Employee: Excuse me sir, can I get your name?
Pranker: Uh, yeah, my name is Tyrone, Maria. What's yo-
Pranker: What's your last name?
Pranker: Trying to holla at you! A little bit.
Pranker: After you fix my sandwich.
Employee: Sir, you just- uh I don't know
Employee: what day that you can come to-to this-this location?
Pranker: Uh, alright... Look, Maria, Maria, look
Pranker: I came in yesterday at around like afternoon time
Pranker: 3 or 4 O'Clock alright?? I got a sandwich,
Pranker: the sandwich wasn't a full 12 inches
Pranker: number 1. Number 2, the cheese was not
Pranker: interlaced properly for maximum cheese coverage!
Pranker: Alright, number 3, you all gave me some farked up tomatoes!
Pranker: I think i got a case here, right? I ain't trying to hit up
Pranker: cooperate and make you all look bad, or nothing and be like
Pranker: "Maria was gonna take a bite out of me getting all angry
Pranker: on the telephone!" I'm trying to be you know I'm
Pranker: trying to be mature about it!
Employee: Okay sir, you can come on the same time that you came
Employee: yesterday, and I really apologize for the incident,
Employee: I don't know yeah what happened with the bread
Pranker: But Maria- but-
Employee: being too small...
Pranker: Why would the BREADA BE SMALL Maria, I don't understand
Pranker: I thought you all have like a uniform system of
Pranker: measuring that, right? You all have like little workers
Pranker: IN THE BACK. Like I pull- I-I was trying to figure out
Pranker: right? Like I-I don't have like a ruler at home, right?
Pranker: So I'm looking at the bread and I'm like "This does not
Pranker: look like a-like a full 12 inches to me right now!"
Pranker: SO I PULLED OUT MY SHAM LAM LAM DOOBILY!
Pranker: I got a little bit excited right? Give it a little slap
Pranker: on the left, on the right, and made a littl-
Pranker: And made a little comparison... And I put side by side!
Pranker: One was definitely smaller, and it definitely wasn't my
Pranker: SHAM LAM DOOBILY! If you know what I'm saying...
Employee: Yeah, did you call yesterday? To the store?
Employee: So how do you know my name?
Pranker: Because I-I've been into the store a lot of times!
Pranker: Maria, I see you all the time Maria. You be managing
Pranker: that stuff REAL GOOD!
Employee: Alright, so what days are you think you can come?
Pranker: I-I wanna know over the telephone though, wh-
Pranker: What kind of compensation can you do for me?
Pranker: And then, WHEN CAN WE GO ON A DATE?
Pranker: Come on Maria! I got you! I'm- I'll-I'll-
Pranker: make I'll spice up your life a little bit.
Pranker: Maybe make you some fried chicken kinda get you away from-
Pranker: from the COLD CUTS for a little while!
Pranker: Then you know, we could-we could do some nice stuff.
Pranker: Okay, you know what I jus- I-I have to go. BUT
Employee: yeah you can come on Monday
Pranker: Maria DON'T DO ME LIKE THAT!
Employee: and just, make sure bring your receipt and-
Pranker: Alright, well, wuh-
Employee: Yeah, that's really apologize, okay?
Pranker: W-w-would it be weird if I took you out on a date
Pranker: at the Subway itself? Could you get us a discount maybe?
Employee: Excuse me?
Pranker: Uh, eh-eh I'm saying it cou- could we have a DATE
Pranker: at the Subway maybe? So we can get a discount,
Pranker: maybe have some FREE FOOD? Extra tomatoes? The good kind,
Pranker: not the FARKED UP WHITE ONES!
Employee: [cough] [laughing]
Employee: Well yeah, I'm not sure about yeah discount or no
Employee: free food, yeah, no.
Pranker: Alright, listen, I'll-I'll- we can get ONE $5 FOOTLONG
Pranker: BUT WE HAVE TO SPLIT IT right? I ain't rich or nothing!
Pranker: Economy's rough! Ey you better not get a drink either!
Pranker: You can have a cup for water.
Pranker: But we gonna have a date right? We gonna sit down together,
Pranker: Maybe I can le- you know I'll schmooze you a little bit!
Pranker: I can-I can FEED YOU part of your sandwich!
Pranker: GET A REAL CUTE, WHAT YOU THINK?
Employee: Well just come on Monday and bring your receipt, okay?
Pranker: Alright, listen, I'll-I'll even let you GRAB the chips
Pranker: without having to PAY!
Employee: Excuse me?
Pranker: You-You can go ahead and grab a bag of chips when we there
Pranker: and you don't have to pay for it! I mean it's YOUR STORE!
Pranker: So you ain't gonna get in trouble or nothing! [chuckles]
Pranker: You know what I'm saying right? I can-I can show you the
Pranker: kind of tomatoes I'm talking about, I could point the out
Pranker: to you in a BIG BUCKET!
Employee: No, that's fine sir. You can just come on Monday.
Pranker: But-but-but- alright-
Employee: If you don't bring your receipt it's okay, just make sure
Employee: it say your name and just "S" for me alright?
Pranker: When you make the sandwiches do you INTERLACE the cheese
Pranker: properly? Or do you kind of get LAZY and just SLAP THEM
Pranker: on top of eachother? SO some bites you got the 2 layers
Pranker: of cheese, but some bites are cheeseless!
Pranker: That's messed up.
Employee: Okay, excuse me, give me one second.
Pranker: Alright. [phone call ends]
Pranker [to audience]: WHAT?! JUST HANG UP?
Employee2: This is Helen?
Pranker: Uh, oh hey Helen, how you doing?
Employee2: Good, who's this?
Pranker: Uh, this is Tyrone! I had a little bit of a
Pranker: PROBLEM with my food, I wanted to uh, kind of discuss that,
Pranker: with somebody...
Pranker: I was- It was UNSATISFACTORY! Uh it-it had some problems!
Employee2: Uh what kind of problems did it have?
Pranker: Just kind of tasted off. It was just a-a general BAD-
Pranker: BAD SUBWAY EXPERIENCE! I WAS NOT HAPPY.
Pranker: I WAS NOT LIKE JARED.
Employee2: Do you have your sandwich? So you can bring it?
Employee2: So like we can give you a new one?
Pranker: Uh, I didn't save the sandwich! You all know, you got that
Pranker: weird ass Subway bread! That over night, I feel like that
Pranker: would turn into like a MOTHERFARKING BRICK or something
Pranker: I don't know, I wouldn't save it overnight-
Employee2: I'm sorry, I wouldn't appreciate that words that you're using.
Pranker: A-Alright Maria, relax!
Employee2: I'm sorry
Pranker: Damn, alright, chill.
Employee2: I mean, if you were trying like to do a complain I will
Employee2: appreciate the way that you talking to me guess.
Employee2: I wasn't here, I don't know what's going on, I didn't
Employee2: I didn't you- I-I mean I'm not-I'm not-
Pranker: LET IT OUT, LET IT OUT...
Employee2: I wasn't here so, I don't ha- I don't know wha-
Employee2: what happened yesterday
Pranker: Go ahead! Alright, ok, alright. My bad!
Employee2: so can you speak clearly
Pranker: OK, excellente my sister!
Pranker: Uh, let me tell you what happened now, so uh-
Pranker: The tomatoes was th- was the tomatoes with the-with the extra
Pranker: WHITE STUFF ON IT! It was-It was not the right tomato
Pranker: it was like the END PIECE. And I HATE THE END PIECE.
Pranker: I said "Yo make sure you don't put the end piece on there"
Pranker: They got- they slapped on 2 end pieces on my other 6 inches.
Pranker: You know what I'm saying? So I was REAL PISSED.
Employee2: At what time do you came in?
Panker: I came in yesterday around 3 o'clock? I'm not done yet,
Pranker: let me tell you about the cheese now. So I got the cheese
Pranker: right? They put- I asked them like "Yo let me get some of
Pranker: that PAPER JACK! HOOK IT UP DAWG!"
Pranker: they slapped the CHEESE TRIANGLES DOWN back to back right?
Pranker: So I'm getting that triangle overlapping, you know what
Pranker: I'm saying? I don't like that overlapping! I can't be
Pranker: doing that. I'm getting bites of sandwich with extra cheese
Pranker: on it, I'm getting some bites of sandwich with no cheese on it,
Pranker: It's messing my crap up! And I'm-I'm REAL SAD.
Employee2: Oh, who helped you yesterday.you don't know the name
Employee2: of the person who helped you?
Pranker: UHHHH... No.
Pranker: I don't remember.
Employee2: It was a girl or- it was a girl or boy?
Pranker: Uh, it was a g- it was a girl!
Employee2: It was a girl, how did she look like?
Pranker: She was REAL CUTE I was trying to holla at her, but she said no.
Employee2: Excuse me?
Pranker: Uh, she was uh, like- kind of like-like a YOUNG uh,
Pranker: I don't know, maybe mid-20's?
Employee2: Uh, let me see, 'cause
Pranker: Alright listen, now tell me this, how about this, ME AND YOU
Pranker: WE GO OUT ON A LITTLE DATE, WE CALL IT EVEN.
Pranker: What you think?
Employee2: No, I'm sorry, I don't date no customers.
Pranker: Wh-WHY NOT? I-I-I COULD STOP BEING A CUSTOMER!
Pranker: I'll never go to Subway again if that's what I gotta do!
Employee2: Oh no, I'm sorry. It's a- I mean it's a-
Employee2: it's a- it's against the law!
Pranker: IT'S NOT AGAINST THE LAW GIRL! I'm a human being
Employee2: Well- our- OUR LAW! Our-
Pranker: We both willing-
Pranker: We both willing participants! You know what I'm saying?
Pranker: I mean, come on! Don't worry about BREAKING THE SUBWAY LAW!
Pranker: No one's gonna come after you and like beat you with a
Pranker: MOTHERFARKING PIECE OF BREAD! [giggles]
Employee2: You can have a-a nice weekend, and happy holidays!
Employee2: And I will NEVER SEE YOU HERE AGAIN. Have a good day.
Pranker: I'll-I'll EVEN LET YOU GET THE CHIPS! [phone call ends]
Pranker: Hello? Hello? [laughing]