Category: Craigslist and Backpage Pranks, Prank Calls
Characters: Tyrone, Billy
Prank Victim: Craigslist seller
Rage Level: Mellow
- “Yo girl, we gotta- we gotta use these thousand condoms man, there are kids in Africa that don't have condoms.”
- “You ain't got no shame dawg, with you BIG, motherfarking extra large WHOLE SALE SIZE HOT DOG in your pants and crap, dayum dawg.”
- “Make sure that crap fits, a hun- a thousand condoms that don't- that don't fit around my, my DINGILY DANG DOOGILY DOOM DOOM DOOBILY, you know I'm saying?”
- “I FARK WITH TREES.”
Body of content:
In this crazy wholesale condom prank call with Tyrone, I pranked a guy who posted an ad on Craigslist looking to get rid of a HUGE box of 1,000+ condoms that he got at a convention. I was suspicious there must be something defective with the product, but it turns out his mother-in-law was coming over and he had NOWHERE to hide the huge box!
Tyrone negotiated the deal of the century in this call! What’s the weirdest Craigslist ad you’ve ever seen? Do you think this guy got rid of his massive box of condoms? Tell me in the comments below!
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Pranker [speaking as Tyrone]: Uh yeah, hello?
Guy: How you doing?
Pranker: Uh hey how you doing? I saw your advertisement on the list Craig, about the uh the Naked Sensation Condoms?
Pranker: Alright uh, so uh, are these like, like- like defective, or some crap? What's- what's wrong with them?
Guy: Oh no, no God no, I got them, went to a convention, [mumble], they had a great big Promo- Promo night and they were-
Guy: they were a- a huge basically just giving away- giving away at the clubs, and uh these- these were left over-
Guy: and I got this farking huge box of them, and they're all individually packaged and everything-
Guy: but I mean, ah- I'm not- what am I supposed to do with the all- all that many rubbers.
Pranker: I mean, have farking LOTS of sex it's an excuse to use your girl, be like: "Yo girl, we gotta- we gotta use these-
Pranker: thousand condoms man, there are kids in Africa, that don't have condoms."
Guy: It's a thousand PLUS, we just had a baby too, so [giggles]
Pranker: Day- that's perfect dawg, GET BUSY! Dawg, get busy, under the covers and crap, you know I'm saying? Yeah, ha- alright.
Guy: We set some for ourselves, don't you worry, but this is a- this is like a- it's- I swear to God it's- it's- it's a-
Guy: great big farking box of condoms.
Guy: It's not a box, it's- it's like a BOX, like a wardrobe, like a moving wardrobe box.
Pranker: Wait, so you- you- you say a thousand PLUS, how much you think is in there?
Guy: Ah, I- honestly, probably about 11, 12 hundred, I guess, roughly.
Pranker: 11, 12 hundred, alright, an- an- you- you've used a couple already? Eh, they good?
Guy: Oh yeah, they're fine! They're good, great condoms, don't get me wrong.
Pranker: Ok, alright.
Guy: There's actually nothing wrong with them.
Pranker: Wel- well tell me this, how big is your PENIS?
Guy: Ah well, probably about 8 inches, I guess there's two, special two different kinds, most 90- 95 percent or them, are, you know are-
Guy: typical size and then, the other size, the other one are a the, a the- what the heck they called, uh- they're bigger-
Pranker: They're bigger, alright well, the-, you know I- I like the fact, that you just farking, busted that crap out- you ain't got no-
Pranker: shame dawg, which you, BIG, motherfarking extra large-
Guy: No, heck no man.
Pranker: WHOLE SALE SIZE HOT DOG in your pants and crap, dayum dawg, get it-
Guy: I got what I got, you know what I mean? [mumble]
Pranker: Yeah, make- making babies right, making babies, alright I feel you, I feel you-
Guy: That's right, they actually also have uh Magnums, sorry.
Pranker: Ok, Magnums, alright, well the- I'm just wondering, if it's gonna fit me, because I don't wanna buy a motherfarking thousand condoms-
Pranker: And find out that, you know, I'mma be rolling that crap on, it's gonna be PIPPITY POPPING can't STOPPING, because I can't have-
Pranker: no more BABIES, you know I'm saying, I CAN'T HAVE NO MORE BABIES, you feel me?
Guy: Yeah, I know that, the- the- the- the- I'm sure you'll be pleased.
Pranker: Alright well, well tell me, t- t- tr- try to invasion, you know, NI- NINE AND A HALF inches of- of Kosher motherfarking HOT DOGS-
Pranker: fitting inside of the uh- you- you think we good? Or what?
Guy: Yeah no, you're- you're good man, they- these can hold them, the- the- the regular one's will, fit you just fine-
Guy: but then there's the, the Magnums and I mean, you know? You need a mo'- you never know, you- you can- you can pop on another inch and-
Guy: and- and- she could be hiding the dude, you'll be suit- well suited either way.
Guy: Both these will take care of you.
Pranker: are you farking like cracking out or something, what's wrong, you getting all EXCITED, you- you talking so FAST, I can't hear you dawg.
Pranker: you gotta chill with it, CHILL DAWG, take a breather HOMIE. We buddies dawg, you ain't gotta get all, anxious and crap.
Pranker: I know you wanna sell these 1000 condoms, I feel you dawg.
Guy: Yeah, I'm standing here in my, in the middle of my living room.
Pranker: Oh okay, alright, you sounded like excited like, you wanted to like, you were like a DOG, that just got let outside, for the first time in three days.
Pranker: like you running around, like you crazy, you know I'm saying? Like [dog gasping sound] crazy dawg.
Guy: See I- I had a couple e-mails about the condoms, but I ain't got nobody to call me yet, you're the first person to call me so, yeah you know I-
Guy: I- I would like to get rid of them at the same time you know, I just kind of want to know in my living room.
Pranker: Oh yeah, I feel you, because you- cu- cu-
Guy: My mother-in-law hasn't. My mother-in-law ain't seen them yet. So that's good. She comes to the house with the baby.
Guy: She's been away, since I got them, and she's coming tomorrow, so-, so if you buy them tonight would be the perfect time.
Pranker: Ok, what's your name again?
Guy: My name's Corey.
Pranker: Corey alright, so you- you worried that you- you- you mother-in-law's gonna come in and be like: "COREY! YOU'RE FARKING LIKE RABBITS OVER HERE-
Pranker: WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY CONDOMS?"
Guy: Yes, I ain't worried, I just, ah- I just- I just don't need the questions: "Where did you get these, why do you have so many?" [laughing]
Pranker: You have, a bab- "eh yo- eh yo, eh yo, step momma, you know I'm trying, I just had a baby, I ain't trying to have no more babies." You know I'm saying?
Pranker: That's what I tell my momma, be like: "I ain't trying to have no more BABIES" because I can't have no more babies.
Guy: I believe it.
Pranker: BECAUSE I CAN'T BE HIPPITY POPPING-
Guy: You'll have one.
Pranker: popping that poo, I just can't do it.
Guy: Grandparents they want, they want ten if they can.
Pranker: Yeah man, because you know they, squeeze them CHEEKS dawg. They wanna squeeze them cheeks, you know I'm saying? They-
Guy: I, do they do! They do I swear, because they're grandparents-
Guy: So, all they have to do, is they come by, and then they can leave right? We can't leave.
Pranker: Ah yeah, alright.
Guy: Of course they love, of course they love the babies.
Pranker: Ah yeah, alright so, so tell me this man, ca- can you uh, go down the price at all man? I kind of wanna come and-
Pranker: get these man, but I'm worried, that it's not gonna fit around my PENIS.
Guy: Well huh, what's your offer?
Pranker: Uh, ok well, I work for Hostess, you know Hostess, they sell like the Twinkies, The Ho-Hos, the- you know-
Guy: Of course, of course.
Pranker: Alright, yeah, how about I give you 20 bucks and a bo- and a wholesale box of uh, of Twinkies.
Pranker: Do- do you like twink-
Guy: How about 30 bucks and- and then Twinkies, you got a deal.
Pranker: Ah, damn dawg, you like Twinkies dawg, I'm talking like 180 Twinkies.
Guy: Ok cool, ok we'll do that then tw- tw- twenty bucks and Twinkies, I- I'll take it.
Pranker: Wait no, wait no, wait- wait- now you sound all excited, I feel like I'm getting ripped off now, alright, half a box of Twinkies.
Guy: Pft, [laughing] you can't pull out of the deal, oh no, oh yeah, no pun intended.
Pranker: Man, you sounded too excited man, you made me feel like I'm getting ripped off man. You got all, JITTERY, like: "OH DAYUM."
Pranker: Are you fat as fark? Is that why you got excited? You heard Twinkies, you're like: "One-Eighty, might have a motherfarking FIELD DAY-
Pranker: going to sit my ass down on the couch-
Guy: I love Twinkies man.
Pranker: and be munching on them Twinkies."
Guy: How could you not like something that's blonde and cream filled, you know?
Pranker: Oh, dayum, dawg, you getting, why you getting all dirty with me dawg, I'm a man, you a man too, chill out-
Guy: I see-
Pranker: CHILL OUT with that HOMO CRAP homie talking about blonde and cream filled.
Guy: I'm- I ain't into that, homo crap. I'm the one with the condoms man.
Pranker: Alright man, because I don't like that homo crap on that note, how big is your penis again?
Pranker: What no- never mind.
Guy: Cream Filled.
Guy: I like Twinkies.
Pranker: Ok, alright dawg, alright well listen, I'll give you a half a box of Twinkies and- and then, twenty do-
Guy: You already said you'd give me a box of Twinkies and twenty bucks, and I agreed to that. That's what you said.
Guy: If you lower the deal, then I mean, I got- I got- I got people e-mailing me who want these too I mean. [clears throat]
Guy: And they're not bidding, they're not bugging me, about the price, they're willing to come pick them up.
Pranker: Alright but, dawg, but dawg, because I, dawg, come on man, you wanna, well I'll- I'll come down and give you-
Pranker: I'll- I'll hook you with a TWINK, alright well, can I at least try one on or something? Before- before I pay for it?
Pranker: I wanna like, go to the bathroom and like tr- try it on, make sure that crap fits, because I don’t wanna buy a hun- a thousand condoms-
Pranker: that don't- that don't fit around my, my DINGILY DANG DOOGILY DOOM DOOM DOOBILY, you know I'm saying?
Guy: Absolutely, that's just absolutely no problem man, I'm- I'm- I'll meet you out in front of my place-
Guy: there's a Starbucks right across the street, you can, you can try ten on if you like.
Pranker: That's kind of awkward, can I just use your-
Guy: If your-
Pranker: bathroom or something?
Guy: if you're unhappy- you're unhappy then you don't have to buy them, that- that's absolutely fine I have no problem with that.
Pranker: I mean that- that's kind of awkward dawg, I mean like, I'm not going to like- I'm not gonna be able to like try them on-
Pranker: while smelling some dark roast coffee, that's gonna fark my crap up, ca- ca-
Guy: [mumble] If you can, you're happy with smelling baby crap in the apartment?
Pranker: I mean, yeah, I'm down with baby crap, I mean I don't think- I don't think baby crap will fark my crap up, I mean I-
Pranker: I had a really kinky last ex-girlfriend, and I kept it up when she was crapping all over the place, I think I can do it.
Guy: Uh, shut her down, I don't need to know [giggles] it's all good.
Pranker: What's up? Yeah.
Guy: Yeah, no, you can, you're more than welcome, you ga- you can- you can- you can take five with you and you can try them on-
Guy: and you can- you can call me if you like them, eh- eh- it's up to you, of course you can try them on, it's up to you.
Pranker: But- but- but you, you just- you just offered me the apartment, you said if I don't mind CRAP it's cool, I mean I can-
Pranker: come in right quick, just give me like five minutes, I'll think about my- my BOO BOO BERTHA, and I'll- I'll- I'll let you know-
Pranker: if- if I want them or not.
Guy: You just have to come over, I can meet you out front, you- you- you can go to Starbucks, they got a public bathroom there-
Guy: and it's- it's probably cleaner than my bathroom.
Pranker: Dawg, alright listen dawg, if- if I can at least use your bathroom and try them on, I'll give you the full box of Twinkies-
Pranker: I just wanna- I just wanna make sure that, you know, I can, you know, it's gonna YOM LOM SAM LUM DOOBILY ON LIAM fit my YAM HIM YAM-
Pranker: HIM LAM DOO. You know I'm saying?
Guy: I understand where you come from, you're- your only problem is, I got two little dogs.
Guy: Strangers, make the dog bark, dogs make the baby cry.
Pranker: Oh, the baby crying dawg, the babies crying, alright well, whe- when is your wife gonna have the kids out or something out dawg-
Pranker: because we- we don't wanna be like, we don't wanna be doing that, in front of kids and stuff, man I'll be like, I don't wanna purchase CONDOMS
Pranker: in front of kids, that just feels wrong.
Guy: That's not in front of the kids man, I do that in front [mumble] where I can just kneel thunder, in a box, you can- you can do what you want with them-
Guy: I mean they, it's up to you, I mean the- a good time-
Pranker: Is there like a- is there like a- is there like a- is there like a- like a tree nearby or something, I can get close to?
Guy: A what?
Pranker: A tree, because I FARK WITH TREES.
Guy: [laughing] Yeah che- there's lots of trees, yeah we live in Vancouver.
Pranker: Ok, alright man, sounds good dawg, alright, alright well, I'll- I'll give you a call back and we are going to set it up.
Pranker: And I'm going to come over there, Imma bring my PENIS, I won't leave my PENIS behind.
Guy: [laughing] Oh yeah, don't leave home without it.
Pranker: Yeah well, and then- I'm going to- I'm going to try it on, you got like any magazines or something to help me get it up?
Guy: Uh, yeah no magazines here brother, I'm sorry, uhm-
Pranker: Do you go- do you got like-
Guy: I'm all- it's all online man, the magazines are waste of- why waste the paper?
Pranker: do you got like a-
Guy: You're killing a tree. [laughing]
Pranker: Do you have like, maybe like a Victoria's Secret catalogue or something?
Guy: Eh man, why don't you, I got the crown, you bring your own magazine, I- I got the other part, I- I've done- I've done my half.
Pranker: Ok, alright, alright, dawg, fair enough dawg, you're right. You right, dawg, how can I expect you, that's too much-
Pranker: hospitality, you know I'm saying? To be expected to you to-
Guy: [laughing] hospi what?
Pranker: to whip out the motherfarking Victoria Secret and crap, alright. Alright dawg, ok well I'll- I'll hit you up soon, alright?
Guy: Ok man.
Pranker: Ok alright, love you.
Guy: I'll talk to you soon, later.
Pranker: Wait, dawg ah- are you going- are you gonna tell me, you love me back? Come on man, how you going do me like that.
Pranker: We just bonded, hello? [laughing] [speaking to audience]: He wasn’t very happy about bonding with me. [laughing]
Pranker [speaking as Tyrone] Hey yo, what's up man, how's it going?
Guy: Good man how you doing?
Pranker: Good, yeah, I just wanted to, I want to let you know, I want to let you in on, know a little secret, you ready?
Guy: Ah yeah go.
Pranker [speaking as Russell] Ok, alright well, that was a uh- that was a uh prank call, that I- that I just did on you, I don't know if that was-
Pranker: ho- ho- how do you feel?
Pranker: Vio- WOAH! VIOLATED? [laughing]
Guy: Just a lit- just a little, I know that that you know, I'm just thinking about it, I'm like uh- feel kind of dirty right now. But I'm OK.
Guy: I'll get over it.
Pranker: [laughing] That's hilarious.
Guy: You know, a little little, got a little weird, but you know like, I- you know-
Pranker: That- that-
Pranker: that was so funny though.
Guy: like sexuality, I ca- I can yell, I can fark around that was fun, you know, but it's not.
Pranker: That- that- you were like- you were an amazing sport though, like I will give you that, like that was farking, like awesome, uhm-
Guy: Yeah, I like to, I can play along, I do have a- a box of thousand rubbers, I mean I'm- I'm accepting the odd weird phone call I mean-
Pranker: Yeah but like, what were you thinking like- like if I- like I honestly didn't even know-
Pranker: if you were gonna answer me again, like I- I called him, I was like, alright I'm gonna call this guy back, and tell him it was a joke.
Pranker: But I was like, what if he doesn't want to like sell it to this, crazy sounding, black man, that apparently wants to try it on in his bathroom.
Guy: I don't care, as long as I get rid of this box of farking rubbers.
Pranker: So what, what if I wanted to like, legit like come in your bathroom, be like: "Yo, can I get it up real quick and just try it on."
Pranker: Like what if I was like really adamant about it.
Guy: I would find, I- I would find a way for you not to come in, somehow, I got a Starbucks, I would direct you, to my friends house down the street-
Guy: and eh, so many places I would direct you, other than my house.
Pranker: [laughing] Okay, alright well is there anything-
Guy: And I would ca- I- I convince you somehow, you know like it's way better over there.
Guy: It's nice and warm, you know, lotion and, whatever?
Pranker: I'm- t- Tyrone said, he couldn't get it up around the smell of dark roasted coffee though like, doesn't do it for him.
Guy: Hey sometimes you know, tit for tat. Tomatoe, tomatho.
Pranker: [laughing] Ok, well uh, thanks for being a great sport, is there anything you want to say to- to 3,000 people?
Guy: Uh, no glove no love?
Pranker: Ok, alrighty, we'll end on that note, anyways uh, I guess I'll talk to you never then, uhm, but thanks again for a- for being a good sport.
Guy: Alright man, keep on keeping on.
Pranker: Alright, LOVE YOU.
Pranker: I- WHAT? [laughing] [speaking to audience]: Dude, he farking didn’t say it again. [speaking as Billy]: That just hurt my feelings that DUN DIDDLY HURTS ME.
Pranker: What, farking ass, I told him I loved him a second time and he didn't budge it.