It’s that time of the year—mid-year sale, mid-year wrap ups, but for us here at Ownage Pranks, mid-year fun! As you all know, Rakesh is one of our top pranksters here, from countless harmless bathroom pranks to hilarious prank calls, he certainly delivers. For newcomers, here is an introduction for you: Rakesh Cristoval Panjit Qor Johnson Kardashian-West, or simply, Rakesh is an Indian man made famous by his crowd-favorite Angry Indian Restaurant Prank. His occupations range from being a call center representative, a sweatshop worker, a Craigslist advertiser, a goat farmer, a food company worker to anything that comes to your mind (you name it)! His family is notorious for being scammers in Bangalore and that is maybe why Rakesh is a natural-born prankster.
Rakesh is a 48-year old from South India. What makes Rakesh a one-of-a-kind prank master is that he is a smooth-talker. His most salient feature is his use of the words “motheryucker” or “mutharyar” or “mother ugly” whenever he wants to express his anger towards his fellow Indians. In his defense, these aren’t bad words per se, since he believes that when you replace the letters in the original word, it does not mean the same anymore (a prankster AND a genius, indeed)! Another word made famous by our good friend is the word “bhenchod”, which means sister nutter in Hindi. Oh, and “Mundian Te Bach Ke” by Punjavu NCis his favorite song—trust us, you might want to look up this song on YouTube because we are sure that it is going to make you get your butt off your chair and dance along to this song.
For our mature enough pranksters, here is some NSFW facts about Rakesh (if you are 18 years old and below, you might want to skip this part and eat some chips or something): Since Rakesh’s favorite Indian dish is the famous chicken Tikka Masala, he often talks about making it and using it as an euphemism for penis as Abdo uses kaboobies to refer to cleavage. Rakesh also loves eating “hot doggies”, especially those from 7/11, even though it makes his tummy go wild and “boom boom boom” on the toilet whenever he eats it. TMI alert: he has an extremely odd goat fetish that is mentioned in some of his infamous pranks.
Best Rakesh Quotes You Can Use If You Want To Try Prank Calling
We know it: Rakesh prank calls are definitely on ANOTHER level. He is notorious for his 100% success rate whenever he conducts all of his outrageous prank calls. We got in touch with Mr. Rakesh Cristoval himself and he wants you noob (his word, everybody, blame him) pranksters to get on his level—but how can that be possible? Simple, practice makes perfect. Download our prank calling app and try rehearsing these famous Rakesh quotes in front of the mirror! (Thanks to our friends at Ownage Pranks Wiki for helping us compile these hits!)
"Listen mother chod, put me 2 samosa in the fryer I'll be there right now":
"Mother Yucker Doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon't talk to me like that."
"So basically the MD5 is re-routing in the MAJOOGILY of the OC3 Optical Line rite?"
I F*** TO YOU MOTHAR B****!
I LOVE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAT >:)
"Will I be receiving it from the front or the back?"
"How big is your hot doggie?"
"My cousin Harneet I have been chasing him on my razor scooter!"
"829 mother chodar"
"Rollar Koaster riiiite?"
"Spend 9-5 scamming people you rother B****?"
"Happe skilia hapa Kala donut!"
"Doooooooooooooon't talk to me like thaat'"
"Not good, right?"
"Hayamla skillyaaaaaaa hapakala DONUT!"
"Let it out Motheryaar, let it out!"
"You are my b****, right nao!"
"Ok, give me the kiss."
"Stop it! Stop it!"
"Oh, my god[s]!"
"O, my God. O, my GooOOooOOooOOooOOd....."
"Welcome to Stage 2...."
"You don't want to go to Stage 3..."
"Mimmya Ka Poolya Ka Tapa Killya!!"
"Do you have a big b***sack like me?"
"Do the gay tings"
"1 Curry tikka masala"
"Can I talk to somebody who can tell me abouting..."
"YOU WILL SEE THE WRATH OF RAKESH!!"
"Razer scooter right no"
"Netflixitus and chill"
Now that we are all set—from the background check to the list of our favorite quotes from the best Rakesh prank calls to date—let us now honor the great Rakesh through this compilation of our all-time favorites from the Rakesh Hall of Fame (we have a full list, but we picked out the best ones to save you the trouble)!
Ah, yes. THAT iconic moment when Rakesh got sick from a convenience store hotdog and asked the clueless restaurant staff for compensation. We can’t blame her for hanging up on him! With a whopping 204.9k views and 1.7 likes from our patrons, it surely was one for the books and it certainly deserved the Most Viewed Rakesh Prank Call Of All-Time!
Restaurant staff: Hello!
Rakesh: Yes, hello. I have a complaint about the food experience I had at your store.
Staff: And you had--
Rakesh: I come in for the hot doggy yesterday, but the hot dog not good.
Staff: Right, what is your order yesterday?
Rakesh: I was very sick right, I threw up everywhere. I get like a food poison right
Staff: A-huh, right. What is your order yesterday?
Rakesh: So what can you do for like a compensation for me?
Staff: No, like I need to make sure you really order from us yesterday. So I ask like what--
Rakesh: Listen, [gibberish], and maybe like a free hot doggy for one entire year, okay?
Staff: No, I need to take you like post-call, and what is your order yesterday?
Rakesh: Listen, mother yucker, I want you to make compensation right. I got very sick.
Staff: But like, last problem, did you really ask your order from us cause like--
Rakesh: NOOOOOO I AM THE CUSTOMER THE CUSTOMER--
Staff: [hangs up]
As successful as this prank call went, we have to give it to this Rakesh Tax Scam for raising awareness about scumbags like, well, this kind of Rakesh. Download our prank call app right now to prank call your friends and help inform them, AT THE SAME TIME. We have to give this prank call the Most Informative Prank Call Of All-Time!
Victim: This is-
Rakesh: Yes this is with the internal taxation service, how are you doing today?
Victim: Good, all calls are monitored
Rakesh: It looks like you have an outstanding balance here of 5432 dollars and unpaid taxes. Are you aware of this
Victim: No.. I’m not
Rakesh: Yes. So what you have to do is go down to the Western Union right now and just wire us the money, okay? And we can take care of it
Victim: Yeah… send me a letter saying that
Rakesh: Listen, if you don’t send us the money within twenty-four hours, we will have to send an agent to get you and put you behind the bars, okay? I don’t want to have to do that
Victim: Go ahead.
In this prank call, the most annoying customer you could ever encounter, AKA Rakesh, orders a pizza. With 144k hits on our page, this deserves a spot here on our list and is hereby awarded with the Most Enraged Victim Of All-Time. Look, the Pizza Man was clearly infuriated because Rakesh was clearly a pain in the butt, but that was not an excuse to mock someone’s accent. We got it, you got mad, but that does not mean you can look down on our dear Rakesh’s beautiful accent, Mr. Pizza Man!
Pizza Man: This is [name] speaking, how can I help?
Rakesh: Yeah hello.
Pizza Man: Hello
Rakesh: Yeah, I wanted to make one order for pizza delivery
Pizza Man: Okay
Rakesh: Yeah I live on 245 Second St.
Pizza Man: Citron Street?
Rakesh: So I wanted to get three extra large pizza large right
Pizza Man: I give you King Size pizza dont worry, large only
Rakesh: One pepperoni with mushroom, one hawaiian, one cheese, and two bottles of soda
Pizza Man: Eh- eh- I mean- Sorry, what size of pizza you want?
Rakesh: Can you read back to me my order so I know you wrote it right
Pizza Man: Eh I know, I know. What size of pizza you want? King size?
Rakesh: Wait wait, I said large okay, make sure it’s large okay. Repeat it one more time
Pizza Man: We don’t have a large. We do king size, bud.
Rakesh: No no. I did not say that. I want mushroom, mushroom right?
Pizza Man: No, we don’t do a mushroom.
Rakesh: Are you stupid or something, man? Why can’t you get my order right?
Pizza Man: I know. I mean if we don’t sell a mushroom how can we supposed to put a mushroom
Rakesh: Mother clucker, I will come in there right now and make the pizza myself, okay? You are too incompetent to take order.
Pizza Man: I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I okay [continues to mock Rakesh’s Indian accent]
Pizza Man: [inaudible chat sounds]
Rakesh’s wifi is really down since he might have forgotten to pay his internet bill on time. Use this prank call if you want your neighbor to feel obligated to give you their wifi password without asking them yourself! Genius, right?
Rakesh: Yeah hello this is Rakesh
Neighbor: Uh sorry
Rakesh: I live in the neighborhood actually. Can I ask you for one favor?
Neighbor: Yeah Sure
Rakesh: Listen, my internet is not working right now so I wanted to just connect to your wifi. Can you give me the password?
Neighbor: We do not. I do not--
Rakesh: Don’t worry, I’m only going to use it for one day until my internet goes back up
Neighbor: Sorry, I do not know the password
Rakesh: Come on I have work to do, I can’t do work without the internet
Neighbor: Sorry, I do not have the password
Rakesh: Can’t you just help me out? Listen, I have your IP address, okay? So if you don’t give me the password, I will just connect directly to your computer
Rakesh: I working at IP support, so I know how to hack into computer, okay? You don’t want to mess with me, mother yucker!
Neighbor: Yeah, I know. I know.
Rakesh: Okay, so IP number 18.104.22.168. I’m going to connect to your computer right now.
Neighbor: Excuse me, can you ask them? They have the wifi. I also using them, the err- the wifi… hello?
Prank Call-ception: when a prank call is about a prank call! Crazy, right? In this prank call recording, Rakesh is a restaurant owner who is having a bad day because a prank caller placed an order with no plans of picking it up. Use this prank call recording if you want to annoy someone or (worst-case scenario) give them a headache. Proven and tested.
Random Guy: Hello?
Random Guy: Yes?
Rakesh: Yeah, when in the hell are you coming? I’m calling from tambourine Palace Indian Restaurant. How come you not coming to get the food?
Random Guy: We have not ordered any food, this is a restaurant.
Rakesh: The food is ready, man. Why you not coming to get it. I have one order here for food, you order 75. dollars. But nobody picking up
Random Guy: Alright, I’m telling you, you have the wrong number. We have not ordered any food
Rakesh: Can you stop wasting my time please?
Random Guy: Sorry, who’s that--
Rakesh: I have three chicken tikka masala. Six nan bread. Two order pakola just sitting here in the counter getting cold
Random Guy: Okay, you might be stupid, then. We have not ordered any food
Rakesh: Are you playing games with me right now? I made the food already. I spend so much money, right
Random Guy: Where are you? I’ll come and meet you, now.
Rakesh: Get your lazy butt and come get it
Random Guy: Where are you, you monkey. Where are you?
Rakesh: Mother yucker, I call the police on you right now if you not coming
Random Guy: No---- give me your address please.
Rakesh: Okay. I have your number and your address. I’m coming on my scooter right now.
And that was it for our Ownage Prank Mid-Year Awards: Best Rakesh Prank Calls! We hope you enjoyed revisiting his masterpieces as much as we did compiling them. Have you tried out our prank calling app yet? If yes, we would love to hear how your pranking went—better yet, try all of Rakesh’s prank calls to friends and strangers. Happy prank calling!