Category: Prank call
Characters: Tyrone, John
Prank Victim: Prostitute
Rage Level: Mellow
- “Are ya gonna put like a rubber over the popsicle or something?”
- “You can then ‘sharpen my pencil’, if you will”
- “Am I allowed to search you to or….? WITH MY PENIS! HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH”
Body of content:
Usually when I’m prank calling, I’m trying to avoid having anyone call the police. But this time, I’m pretending to BE the police! I called a prostitute as Tyrone, looking to get services for my weird buddy, John, who has some unusual requests involving popsicles.
During the call, I gradually played more and more police radio sound effects to see how far I could push the prank before she backed out. She gets pretty freaked out and probably thinks she’s about to get busted by the end of the call - she totally stopped answering when I tried to call back!
I give her credit for staying on the line as long as she did, she must see A LOT of total weirdos for some of the things I said to phase her as little as they did. I probably would’ve been freaked out after the first radio noise! What about you? Should I do more BUSTED prank calls to prostitutes? Let me know in the comments!
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Pranker: UH, yeah, hello?
Pranker: Hey, yo, what's popping girl? How are you doing?
Prostitute: I'm fine. How are you?
Pranker: I'm excellent. Is this uh "ENTICE?"
Pranker: ENTICE, my bad, you know what I'm saying. I don't know the English that well. And, UH, YOU-, you available tonight?
Prostitute: Yes. What time were you trying to come by?
Pranker: UH, I was trying to actually kind of-, I was trying to PRE-PAY possibly for my boy, my boy, JOHN.
Pranker: He's kind of doesn't really get much at home or much, much AFFECTION or anything like that.
Pranker: So, I don't know do you do like gift certificates or anything like that?
Prostitute: No, I only accept cash.
Pranker: YEAH, YEAH, if I give you CASH ahead of time could you sign like, like some toilet paper or something
Pranker: that says like, "I owe you one session for your boy?"
Prostitute: OH YEAH.
Pranker: Would you be DOWN with that and then, he could tip you, I guess.
Prostitute: Yeah, that's fine.
Pranker: All right, all right, that's cool. [Speaking to person in background] Hey, yo! HEY, YO, JOHN, GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE, MAN.
Pranker: Uh, uh, hello?
Pranker: Hold on, one second.
[Oddly Suspicious Radio Transmission]
Pranker: Yeah, hi there. Um, uh, so, uh, are you available tonight for-for some, you know?
Prostitute: Yeah. So like what's the radio in the background?
Pranker: Oh, that! Me and my buddy Tyrone, we have a set of walkie-talkies, we kind of talk to each other sometimes. [Fake laugh]
Pranker: Okay. And, uh, so and what is your "DONATION" usually, uh, what's the donation required?
Prostitute: It's $150 an hour.
Pranker: Okay. I think-I think my buddy Tyrone's going to take care of that for me as a-, as a late New Year's gift.
Prostitute: Oh, okay. That's sweet.
Pranker: Yeah, he-he's a real nice guy, you know. He's actually one of my only Black friends, but he's-he's a good man.
Prostitute: That's good. [Sniff]
Pranker: Yeah. Um, uh, I'm kind of into a little bit of weird things. Do you -, are you fetish friendly?
Prostitute: It depends on what it is.
Pranker: One of my favorite things which, um, which was tried on me one time by an old friend was
Pranker: uh, do you use kind of like 100% fruit popsicles and kind of play with them on me and kind of, uh…
Prostitute: Okay, I-
Pranker: Rub around, maybe take a little a bite here or there?
Prostitute: Okay. That's cool.
Pranker: Well, is that something you might -, you'd be interested in?
Prostitute: Everything that we do is like with protection, so…
Pranker: Well, so how's that going to work? Are you going to put like a-, like a rubber over the popsicle or something?
Prostitute: No, over your, you know, your penis.
Pranker: Oh. Oh. Okay. All right.
Prostitute: So the popsicle, so I can get like the fruit kind?
Pranker: Do you happen to know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a lollipop?
Pranker: A freeze pop, rather?
Prostitute: Mm-mm. Nope.
Pranker: Alrighty. Well, the answer is 457 in case anybody ever asks you again.
Prostitute: Okay. Yeah, but the fetishes cost more.
Pranker: Oh, uh, huh, gosh.
Prostitute: So that will be like $200 an hour.
Pranker: $200 an hour, okay. Um, uh, so do you think -
Prostitute: For the fetish.
Pranker: All right. And make sure there's no high fructose corn syrup. You know, the industry now -
Pranker: - nowadays, everything has HCFS, you know what I mean, they can't be doing that.
Pranker: It's not good for you.
Pranker: And you can't beat, you can't beat real sugar in real fruit, nothing can compare sugar.
Pranker: And if we can kind of use that and maybe you can then sharpen my pencil if you will.
Prostitute: Okay. [Giggles]
Pranker: Kind of, you know, salivate your glands, your-, and then, we can, you know.
Pranker: Do you think we'd be able to organize the chairs, if you will?
Pranker: You know, organize my, my leg into your "underneath your seat", if you will.
Prostitute: Okay. I get you.
Pranker: Alrighty, alrighty, excellente!
[More Oddly Suspicious Transmissions]
Prostitute: So like when you come I just have to do like a nice screening
Prostitute: so I'm going to make sure that you're not the police or anything.
Pranker: Well, how does that work? How does the screening work?
Prostitute: Um, basically, just take off all your clothes and I'll check you and make sure you don't have any wires.
Pranker: Oh, gosh, darnit! All right, I mean, I-I, uh, I'm okay with that, [nervous stammering] you know, I mean
Pranker: either way we-we-we're going to be getting our clothes off anyway. [Laughs]
Prostitute: Yeah, they're going to be come off anyway, so it's not that big of a deal.
Pranker: Tyrone, turn down the radio, man. Uh, hold on, one second. Okay, alright, so later tonight works for you?
Prostitute: What time are you going to come by?
Pranker: Um, let's say like 8 or 9.
Pranker: I can bring my radio there too, if you want. [Laughs]
Prostitute: I got you.
Prostitute: So 8 or 9, that's perfectly fine with me. Um, just call me before…
Pranker: I'm a little bit shy. Do we have to do the whole check up thing?
Pranker: What if I give you like $300?
Prostitute: I mean I still have to check you. I cannot take you money unless I know that - unless I know that you're not the police.
Pranker: Well, I mean, I'll pinky swear you, will-will that help?
Prostitute: No, not really. [Laughs]
Pranker: Oh, gosh darnit. Well, am I allowed to search you too or…?
Prostitute: Yeah, you can search me. I won't have any clothes on, so.
Pranker: With my penis. [Laughs]
Prostitute: Yeah. Okay
Pranker: I'll have my buddy Tyrone, uh, kind of take care of payment. And do I have to tip you after or give you just the tip, if you will? [Laughs]
Pranker: [Laughs] Okay, all right. But I get to give you more than my tip during the session though, right. [Laughs]
Prostitute: [Laughs] Yeah.
Pranker: Alrighty, alrighty.
Pranker: And, uh -- okay, well, so -- we'll kind of shoot for tonight, uh.
Pranker: Ten-four, you dumb fark, hold on. So-so, sorry about that.
Prostitute: Okay. So what do you like do for a living?
Prostitute: Or your friend?
[Car tires sound]
Pranker: Um, uh, I, uh, I-I work in, uh, in IT sales and support.
Prostitute: I don't-, I don't understand.
Pranker: Alright.[Nervous stammering] Well, do you have like a - can you give me an address to meet you or?
Prostitute: What did you mean?
Pranker: I'll come at 9 o'clock, but I want to be able to GPS, kind of map it out and set up a…
Prostitute: Um, what did you have in mind?
Pranker: All right, I'm excited to see you.
Pranker: UHH, HEL-HELLO?