Category: Craigslist and Backpage pranks, prank calls
Characters: Abdo, Buk Lau
Prank Victim: Cheating husband
Rage Level: Mellow
- “I ate the other half of it, yeah, I didn't eat the one half.”
- “You the guy who fark the watermelon, right?”
- “I like to think of myself as the RELATIONSHIP VIGILANTE.”
Body of content:
I did this prank call on a cheating husband who went on Craigslist looking for a younger woman to hook up with. He responded to a fake ad I made pretending to be a young woman, and sent me pictures of him having relations WITH A WATERMELON. This is by far one of the most bizarre things that has happened as a result of my prank calls! Let me know what you thought of this insane twist in the comments below.
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[glass break sound]
Pranker [speaking to audience]: So this guy was on Craigslist looking for a young girl to flirt and hook up with.
Pranker: This dude is married and has three kids, one of which is a newborn baby. He ended up sending me eight-
Pranker: different photos of him sexually penetrating a watermelon. Afterwards he was left thinking that he had-
Pranker: set up a time for some phone sex with Onaji who's the fake Asian girl he thinks he was talking to.
Pranker: I decided to give things a twist and call him as the girl's husband. The way this prank goes down is truly hysterical.
Pranker [speaking as Abdo]: Yeah, hello, [censored], how are you doing?
Pranker: Excellent, excellent. So, basically, I caught my wife uh- talking to you and trying to make a cheating-
Pranker: and then I found your wife's information, and I just want you to apologize man, because I am heartbroken-
Pranker: my wife is being like a silly goose on the side, uh- and you d- you did a lot of mean things, so just avoid any-
Pranker: problems or trouble, I just want you to say you're sorry, and, you know, just understand, what was going-
Pranker: through your mind, when you did that to me, you know?
Guy: [hang up]
Pranker [speaking to audience]: He really just farking hung up!? That watermelon farking son of a bitch.
Pranker: At this point, this guy was trying everything he could to avoid talking to me. I tried calling him numerous times-
Pranker: over the course of two months, he would sometimes hang up immediately say I got the wrong number-
Pranker: or just not answer at all. I even went as far as digging up his work number and trying to reach him there.
Pranker: Finally, after two months and many attempts, I got a hold of them again. The conversation is as ridiculous as you're probably hoping.
[phone ringing] [explosion sound]
Pranker [speaking as Abdo]: You, [censored], what's up man?
Guy: What's up man?
Pranker: Yeah, I've been trying to call you for so long, and I don't know like- you've been hanging up on me-
Pranker: and stuff like that, you know, I don't want to, you know, take any drastic measures, but, y- you're not giving me-
Pranker: a choice now, you know, like- so, on Monday, I'm gonna have to just go through with it, you know?
Guy: What do you want man? What do you want to resolve this?
Pranker: Y- you remember me, right?
Guy: [sighs] Yeah, I remember you.
Pranker: I know, man- do you really think that ignoring me is the solution, you know that- I mean, like- I- I- I- I- I- I- I'm very frustrated-
Pranker: I don't know what to do.
Guy: I'm sorry, but, let's discuss this, and let's get this resolved.
Pranker: So, I just want to understand, like- g- d- wo- why were you trying to screw aro- around with my wife?
Guy: I wasn't trying to screw around. There was an ad on Craigslist, you know, I wasn't taking her out, I was drunk, whatever-
Guy: what not, yeah, crap happened. And to that, I'm sorry. Didn't mean for it to happen.
Pranker: Yeah, but what- what about your wife, man? You have a wife and kids too, don't you? Like- you don't feel bad about that?
Guy: No, I do feel bad about that.
Pranker: I just want to understand like, of all the things, you know, watermelons are very, you know, close to my heart, you know- in my country-
Pranker: we love watermelon, it's very-
Guy: That's something she suggested, but like I said, I'm very sorry.
Pranker: Yeah, well, between you and I, how was it?
Guy: No, that's stupid, that's terrible.
Pranker: Like d- did it feel nice at the time? Did- did you- did you follow through with it?
Guy: No, it- it doesn't- it doesn't feel like anything, it's just cold.
Pranker: I- I really, really, really hate wasting food, but like, did you finish it after or what did you do with it?
Guy: I ate the other half of it, yeah, I didn't eat the one half.
Pranker: I- I'd really you- you don't want me to tell- like the auto shop and stuff like this, right?
Guy: No, I'd really- I just want this, you know, gone, just-
Pranker: I- I- if- if I bring my wife on the line here, will- will you talk to her?
Guy: Talk to her about what?
Pranker: Apologizing, you know, like just to- to try to make it right, I don't know, like- just uh-
Pranker: tell her you're sorry about what happened, and that you're a cheater.
Pranker: Okay, hold on, [talking to Buk Lau in the background]: Uhm, you Buk, come here! Yeah, yeah, I have the watermelon.
Pranker: Farker on the telephone. Come, come talk to him, just- he wants to apologize to you.
Pranker [speaking as Buk Lau]: He want to talk to me?
Pranker: Uh, hello?
Guy: I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
Pranker: A- are you the guy, a- are you the g- h- hold on one minute, hold on.
Pranker: [speaking to Abdo in the background]: Can I have some privacy? At least you can't trust me that much, can you?
Pranker: Just go outside, so I can talk to this guy, I want to hear him apologizing.
Guy: Oh my God.
Pranker: [Abdo speaking in the background]: I will be in the kitchen, let me know if you need anything.
Pranker [speaking as Buk Lau]: He- hello, sorry- sorry about that. Are you the guy I talk to on the e-mail?
Guy: You had the ad on Craigslist, and I responded to it.
Pranker: Yeah, you- you the- you the guy who fark the watermelon, right?
Guy: No, I just- stuck my finger in it, but.
Pranker: No, no, but- but- but I saw your c**k inside in the picture, right?
Guy: Okay, yeah.
Pranker: Come on man, you don- he- he's outside now, you don't have to lie to me, you know?
Guy: I just said yeah! Then I said, I was sorry, I don't-
Pranker: Yeah, no, honestly, between you and I, that turned me on like a SO MUCH! I- I love it, really lik-
Pranker: it was very adventurous.
Guy: That's got nothing to do with me, I'm not into that no more.
Pranker: No, I- I know, I appreciate it. Actually, I- I- I- don't- don't tell him I tell you, but I-
Pranker: I actually I- I print it out, and every time I try to sleep at night, I want to get a frisky one-
Pranker: sometimes I like to, eh, flick the bean, you know what I'm saying?
Pranker: I actually- I am wondering, is there any way, you and I can still meet up sometime?
Guy: No, I'm not meeting- I'm not doing that.
Pranker: Okay, well anyway, we could at least fark the watermelon for me or something?
Guy: I'm not doing that no more.
Pranker: Why not?
Guy: Because I don't do that!
Pranker: But you did it! I have a picture of it. What are you talking about? I- it can be like-
Pranker: it can be li-
Guy: I'm not doing it anymore, it was a one time thing, I'm not doing it ever again.
Pranker: Yeah, I know, but did you ever watch the MOVIE American Pie? In that movie, the guy-
Pranker: he do the farking with a pie, right, but- in a different- you do the watermelon-
Pranker: you can have- American Watermelon [giggle] You get it?
Guy: But I'm not doing that.
Pranker: [Abdo speaking to Buk Lau in the background]: Uh Buk, what's taking so long here?
Pranker: [Buk Lau speaking to Abdo in the background]: Just give me one second, you know-
Pranker: because I talk the-
Pranker: [Abdo speaking to Buk Lau in the background]: No, give-
Pranker: [speaking as Abdo]: Hello.
Pranker: Okay, s- so you speak to my wife, right?
Guy: I told her I'm sorry, yeah.
Pranker: Okay, I appreciate it. So, I like to think of myself as the RELATIONSHIP VIGILANTE-
Pranker: You understand what that means?
Guy: No, I do not.
Pranker: I had to fix my own marriage, because-
Pranker: my wife was marriage, because my wife was making a bullcrap- don't exhale!
Pranker: I know you're annoyed, but- trust me, the- talking to me now is better than the alternative, okay?
Pranker: So suck it up, and deal with it. But yeah, give the fact that it has taken this long for me to-
Pranker: finally get a hold of you, I- I'm glad you picked up, because honestly, Monday, I went to the-
Pranker: K- the Kinkos printing place already and I had actually 300 copies of the pictures printed out-
Pranker: we were going to pass them out, but we're not gonna do that, uh, you see, I spent $10 on the printing-
Pranker: at the Kinkos so I do- I want my 10 dollars back, so like, will you donate like- will you voluntarily-
Pranker: like, donate $10 to charity?
Guy: What charity do you want me to donate 10 dollars to?
Pranker: Well, I don't know, what about like, you know, water.org, something like this, you know, like-
Pranker: feed the children, I think that would be a nice gesture.
Guy: Mm, I'll find the charity to do that then.
Pranker: So, you will donate the 10 dollars, right?
Guy: Yes, as soon as I can I will.
Pranker: Okay, perfect. And, just, the last thing for my gratification, can you say, I said I'm sorry Abdo!
Pranker: I never meant to fark the melon but tonight, I'm donating money.
Guy: Sorry Abdo, I never meant to fark that melon, but tonight I'm donating money?
Pranker: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, killing it, my brother, killing it. I'm pulling up this one special one-
Pranker: Do you know, the- the guy Eminems? The- the rapping guy?
Guy: I know who he is.
Pranker: Yeah, I- I would- I really like this song, my wife, it's- ow- we played it in- in our wedding-
Pranker: so, just so you know, I told you the- the lyrics already, you know, I said I'm sorry Abdo! I never meant-
Pranker: to hurt her! I never meant to fark the melon but tonight, I'm donating money, and then, if we-
Pranker: can just do it over this beat. [beat playing] Oh- oh yes- cleaning out the closet- of the creepers-
Pranker: farking the watermelon- uh- yeah- yeah- yeah- [beat playing] PART TWO, coming to you live!
Pranker: My man ***! [beat playing] Drop the beat! Go ahead ****, go, go, go, go.
Guy: [beat playing] Sorry Abdo, I never meant to hurt her, but tonight, I'm farking a watermelon, I'm donating to charity. [beat playing]
Pranker: Okay, honestly, like- that was really farking off, but, you know, I'm gonna let it slide. You tried-
Pranker: you tried hard enough, it was good. Okay my brother, have a good day, I'm sorry, you know, if I know-
Pranker: I- I upset you, but just know, this is now over, you will never hear from me again, your wife won't find out.
Pranker: But the moral of the story is what, you cannot take your RELATIONSHIP for granted, especially when you-
Pranker: you have kids, right? Because if you- eh- ih- le- let's say hypothetically speaking, your kids grow up-
Pranker: and then they see on the internet you're farking the watermelon, right? Very embarrassing, right?
Pranker: You know, we- when life gives you watermelons, you put your penis in it. That's the philosophy. You were following-
Pranker: but- you should not do that.
Guy: Okay, thank you. I'm sorry.
Pranker: Okay, no problem.
Pranker: [laughing] [speaking to audience]: Dude, it's so funny.