Subway Footlong Sandwich Prank Call - Ownage Pranks Classics

Best quotes: 

• “I asked for that they could be kind of put interlaced properly so that I get MAXIMUM CHEESE COVERAGE”
• “Like you about to pop through my goddamn telephone cord and take a bite out of me or something, I AIN’T NO SANDWICH!”
• “No one’s going to come after you and like, beat you with a motherfarkin piece of bread”

Body of content:

Tyrone ordered a footlong sandwich at Subway, and it was definitely not a whole 12 inches - what a rip off!! I pranked a Subway as Tyrone to complain about a less-than-footlong sandwich that didn’t even have maximum cheese coverage. They seemed hesitant to provide a discount or refund, but what about a date with one of the employees?

It turns out picking up the Subway ladies is not easy! Tyrone got shot down by two female employees who seemed a bit amused by his cheesy remarks. Should I call this Subway back? Where should Tyrone look for a date next? Tell me in the comments below!

 

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Transcript

[phone ringing]

Employee: Subway, can I help you?

Pranker: Uh, yeah, may I speak to a manager please about a

Pranker: unsatisfactory experience I had at a Subway location?

Employee: Yes, speaking. Can I help you?

Pranker: YEAH! What's up? Ey- Maria is this you?

Employee: Yes! 

Pranker: Ey yo Maria! How you been girl?

Employee: Good, who is this?

Pranker: Uh, this is Tyrone. I eat there all the time.

Employee: Uh-huh!

Pranker: Alright, well uh, I-I came in there 

Pranker: and I purchased the uh, a-a foot long 

Pranker: uh turkey br- uh chicken breast sandwich on the 

Pranker: 9 grain oats... A-and the sandwich was just 

Pranker: not on point it did not taste very good and I 

Pranker: also noticed that it was a little on the short side.

Employee: Uh, what time do you came?

Pranker: I came in yesterday  around uh, like 3 p.m.

Pranker: See n-not only was the sandwich not of the right size, 

Pranker: but like the way you all put the toppings in there,

Pranker: you all-you all g-gave me like the  cheese over lapping 

Pranker: each other for one! I asked for that they could be kind of 

Pranker: put interlaced properly so that I get maximum 

Pranker: cheese coverage on my sandwich!

Pranker: And then, on top of that, when I was asking for the vaggies

Pranker: you all started putting like lettuce, I asked for

Pranker: extra tomatoes! You all gave me the-the end pieces.

Pranker: You know what I'm saying? Like, the tomato has that little white

Pranker: core spot. WHO-WHO LIKES TO EAT THAT?! NOBODY!

Pranker: You know what I'm saying? So like- I don't know what

Pranker: to do right now!  

Employee: Can- You can come to the location, and we can-

Pranker: WOAAH, WOAH, W-WOAH!

Employee: So we can see.

Pranker: Relax. Damn girl, alright go ahead!

Pranker: Excuse me sir? 

Pranker: I said relax! You were getting all-

Pranker: You were getting all heated! Rising your voice on me!

Pranker: Y- like you about to pop through my god damn telephone

Pranker: core and take a BITE OUT OF ME or something. I ain't no 

Pranker: sandwich. Relax.

Employee: Uh, sir, wuh...

Employee: I just trying to me nice that I can 

Pranker: See, th-th-

Employe: [giggles]

Pranker: NOW YOU BEING NICE! That's what I like to hear! You see-

Pranker: now you calm and collected, before you were getting all 

Pranker: RILED UP! You were scaring me a little bit, Maria!

Pranker: I was getting a little bit frightened!

Employee: Excuse me sir, can I get your name? 

Pranker: Uh, yeah, my name is Tyrone, Maria. What's yo-

Pranker: What's your last name? 

Pranker: Trying to holla at you! A little bit. 

Pranker: After you fix my sandwich. 

Employee: Sir, you just- uh I don't know 

Employee: what day that you can come to-to this-this location?

Pranker: Uh, alright... Look, Maria, Maria, look

Pranker: I came in yesterday at around like afternoon time

Pranker: 3 or 4 O'Clock alright?? I got a sandwich,

Pranker: the sandwich wasn't a full 12 inches

Pranker: number 1. Number 2, the cheese was not

Pranker: interlaced properly for maximum cheese coverage!

Pranker: Alright, number 3, you all gave me some farked up tomatoes!

Pranker: I think i got a case here, right? I ain't trying to hit up

Pranker: cooperate and make you all look bad, or nothing and be like

Pranker: "Maria was gonna take a bite out of me getting all angry

Pranker: on the telephone!" I'm trying to be you know I'm 

Pranker: trying to be mature about it!

Employee: [chuckles]

Employee: Okay sir, you can come on the same time that you came

Employee: yesterday, and I really apologize for the incident,

Employee: I don't know yeah what happened with the bread 

Pranker: But Maria- but-

Employee: being too small...

Pranker: Why would the BREADA BE SMALL Maria, I don't understand

Pranker: I thought you all have like a uniform system of 

Pranker: measuring that, right? You all have like little workers

Pranker: IN THE BACK. Like I pull- I-I was trying to figure out 

Pranker: right? Like I-I don't have like a ruler at home, right?

Pranker: So I'm looking at the bread and I'm like "This does not

Pranker: look like a-like a full 12 inches to me right now!"

Pranker: SO I PULLED OUT MY  SHAM LAM LAM DOOBILY!

Pranker: I got a little bit excited right? Give it a little slap

Pranker: on the left, on the right, and made a littl-

Employee: [chuckles]

Pranker: And made a little comparison... And I put side by side!

Pranker: One was definitely smaller, and it definitely wasn't my

Pranker: SHAM LAM DOOBILY! If you know what I'm saying...

Employee: [chuckles]

Employee: Yeah, did you call yesterday? To the store? 

Pranker: Nah! 

Employee: So how do you know my name?

Pranker: Because I-I've been into the store a lot of times!

Pranker: Maria, I see you all the time Maria. You be managing

Pranker: that stuff REAL GOOD! 

Employee: Alright, so what days are you think you can come?

Pranker: I-I wanna know over the telephone though, wh-

Pranker: What kind of compensation can you do for me? 

Pranker: And then, WHEN CAN WE GO ON A DATE? 

Employee: [laughing] 

Pranker: Come on Maria! I got you! I'm- I'll-I'll-

Pranker: make I'll spice up your life a little bit. 

Pranker: Maybe make you some fried chicken kinda get you away from-

Pranker: from the COLD CUTS for a little while! 

Pranker: Then you know, we could-we could do some nice stuff.

Employee: [laughing]

Pranker: Okay, you know what I jus- I-I have to go. BUT 

Employee: yeah you can come on Monday

Pranker: Maria DON'T DO ME LIKE THAT!

Employee: and just, make sure bring your receipt and-

Pranker: Alright, well, wuh-

Employee: Yeah, that's really apologize, okay?

Pranker: W-w-would it be weird if I took you out on a date

Pranker: at the Subway itself? Could you get us a discount maybe?

Employee: Excuse me? 

Pranker: Uh, eh-eh I'm saying it cou- could we have a DATE

Pranker: at the Subway maybe? So we can get a discount,

Pranker: maybe have some FREE FOOD? Extra tomatoes? The good kind,

Pranker: not the FARKED UP WHITE ONES!

Employee: [cough] [laughing]

Employee: Well yeah, I'm not sure about yeah discount or no 

Employee: free food, yeah, no.

Pranker: Alright, listen, I'll-I'll- we can get ONE $5 FOOTLONG

Pranker: BUT WE HAVE TO SPLIT IT right? I ain't rich or nothing!

Pranker: Economy's rough! Ey you better not get a drink either!

Pranker: You can have a cup for water.

Pranker: But we gonna have a date right? We gonna sit down together, 

Pranker: Maybe I can le- you know I'll schmooze you a little bit!

Pranker: I can-I can FEED YOU part of your sandwich!

Pranker: GET A REAL CUTE, WHAT YOU THINK? 

Employee: Well just come on Monday and bring your receipt, okay?

Pranker: Alright, listen, I'll-I'll even let you GRAB the chips 

Pranker: without having to PAY!

Employee: Excuse me?

Pranker: You-You can go ahead and grab a bag of chips when we there

Pranker: and you don't have to pay for it! I mean it's YOUR STORE!

Pranker: So you ain't gonna get in trouble or nothing! [chuckles]

Pranker: You know what I'm saying right? I can-I can show you the 

Pranker: kind of tomatoes I'm talking about, I could point the out

Pranker: to you in a BIG BUCKET! 

Employee: No, that's fine sir. You can just come on Monday.

Pranker: But-but-but- alright-

Employee: If you don't bring your receipt it's okay, just make sure

Employee: it say your name and just "S" for me alright?

Pranker: When you make the sandwiches do you INTERLACE the cheese

Pranker: properly? Or do you kind of get LAZY and just SLAP THEM 

Pranker: on top of eachother? SO some bites you got the 2 layers

Pranker: of cheese, but some bites are cheeseless!

Pranker: That's messed up.

Employee: [laughing]

Employee: Okay, excuse me, give me one second. 

Pranker: Alright. [phone call ends]

Pranker [to audience]: WHAT?! JUST HANG UP?

Pranker: [laughing]

[phone ringing]

Employee2: This is Helen?

Pranker: Uh, oh hey Helen, how you doing? 

Employee2: Good, who's this?

Pranker: Uh, this is Tyrone! I had a little bit of a 

Pranker: PROBLEM with my food, I wanted to uh, kind of discuss that,

Pranker: with somebody...

Employee2: Uh-huh!

Pranker: I was- It was UNSATISFACTORY! Uh it-it had some problems!

Employee2: Uh what kind of problems did it have?

Pranker: Just kind of tasted off. It was just a-a general BAD-

Pranker: BAD SUBWAY EXPERIENCE! I WAS NOT HAPPY.

Pranker: I WAS NOT LIKE JARED.

Employee2: Do you have your sandwich? So you can bring it? 

Employee2: So like we can give you a new one?

Pranker: Uh, I didn't save the sandwich! You all know, you got that

Pranker: weird ass Subway bread! That over night, I feel like that

Pranker: would turn into like a MOTHERFARKING BRICK or something

Pranker: I don't know, I wouldn't save it overnight-

Employee2: I'm sorry, I wouldn't appreciate that words that you're using.

Pranker: A-Alright Maria, relax!

Employee2: I'm sorry 

Pranker: Damn, alright, chill.

Employee2: I mean, if you were trying like to do a complain I will

Employee2: appreciate the way that you talking to me guess.

Pranker: Ok.

Employee2: I wasn't here, I don't know what's  going on, I didn't

Employee2: I didn't you- I-I mean I'm not-I'm not-

Pranker: Alright-

Pranker: LET IT OUT, LET IT OUT...

Employee2: I wasn't here so, I don't ha- I don't know wha-

Employee2: what happened yesterday 

Pranker: Go ahead! Alright, ok, alright. My bad! 

Employee2: so can you speak clearly

Pranker: OK, excellente my sister! 

Pranker: Uh, let me tell you what happened now, so uh-

Employee2: Okay.

Pranker: The tomatoes was th- was the tomatoes with the-with the extra 

Pranker: WHITE STUFF ON IT! It was-It was not the right tomato

Pranker: it was like the END PIECE. And I HATE THE END PIECE. 

Pranker: I said "Yo make sure you don't put the end piece on there"

Pranker: They got- they slapped on 2 end pieces on my other 6 inches.

Pranker: You know what I'm saying? So I was REAL PISSED.

Employee2: At what time do you came in? 

Panker: I came in yesterday around 3 o'clock? I'm not done yet, 

Pranker: let me tell you about the cheese now. So I got the cheese

Pranker: right? They put- I asked them like "Yo let me get some of

Pranker: that PAPER JACK! HOOK IT UP DAWG!"

Pranker: they slapped the CHEESE TRIANGLES DOWN back to back right?

Pranker: So I'm getting that triangle overlapping, you know what 

Pranker: I'm saying? I don't like that overlapping! I can't be 

Pranker: doing that. I'm getting bites of sandwich with extra cheese

Pranker: on it, I'm getting some bites of sandwich with no cheese on it,

Pranker: It's messing my crap up! And I'm-I'm REAL SAD.

Employee2: Oh, who helped you yesterday.you don't know the name 

Employee2: of the person who helped you? 

Pranker: UHHHH... No.

Pranker: I don't remember.

Employee2: It was a girl or- it was a girl or boy?

Pranker: Uh, it was a g- it was a girl!

Employee2: It was a girl, how did she look like?

Pranker: She was REAL CUTE I was trying to holla at her, but she said no.

Employee2: Excuse me? 

Pranker: Uh, she was uh, like- kind of like-like a YOUNG uh, 

Pranker: I don't know, maybe mid-20's?

Employee2: Uh, let me see, 'cause 

Pranker: Alright listen, now tell me this, how about this, ME AND YOU 

Pranker: WE GO OUT ON A LITTLE DATE, WE CALL IT EVEN.

Pranker: What you think? 

Employee2: No, I'm sorry, I don't date no customers.

Pranker: Wh-WHY NOT? I-I-I COULD STOP BEING A CUSTOMER! 

Pranker: I'll never go to Subway again if that's what I gotta do!

Employee2: Oh no, I'm sorry. It's a- I mean it's a-

Employee2: it's a- it's against the law! 

Pranker: IT'S NOT AGAINST THE LAW GIRL! I'm a human being

Employee2: Well- our- OUR LAW! Our-

Pranker: We both willing-

Pranker: We both willing participants! You know what I'm saying?

Pranker: I mean, come on! Don't worry about BREAKING THE SUBWAY LAW!

Pranker: No one's gonna come after you and like beat you with a 

Pranker: MOTHERFARKING PIECE OF BREAD! [giggles]

Employee2: Um... 

Pranker: Hello?

Employee2: You can have a-a nice weekend, and happy holidays!

Employee2: And I will NEVER SEE YOU HERE AGAIN. Have a good day.

Pranker: I'll-I'll EVEN LET YOU GET THE CHIPS! [phone call ends]

Pranker: Hello? Hello? [laughing]