Spoken-Word Poetry Contest Audition Prank! Ownage Pranks

Best quotes: 

• “I DON'T KNOW THE LYRICS TO THIS PART OF THE SONG! BUT IMMA KEEP GOING ON LIKE NOTHING IS WRONG! HA POO POO PSH!”
• “I'm not gonna, you know, PUT THE HOT DOG IN THE BUN OR NOTHING!”
• “What about my DRUNKEN NOODLE?!”

Body of content:

I saw an ad in the UK for a spoken word poetry contest and pulled an audition prank call as John to try and get in. I told the woman running it that my black friends taught me how to perform spoken word and rap. She was completely taken off guard when John’s voice suddenly switched over to Tyrone’s!

In a surprising twist, John actually managed to score this lady’s number for a date! The phone performance must have really impressed her. Do you think she had any intention of actually going on a date with John? Let me know what you think in the comments!

 

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Transcript

[phone ringing]

Lady: Good evening, Blue Chair Larell speaking?

Pranker [speaking as John Mcain]: Uh, YEAH HI! Uh, we spoke a little earlier about the uh, the po-, the poetry?

Lady: Oh hi!

Pranker: Yeah, hey uh, eh, is this a better time?

Lady: Yeah, YEAH! You're fine alright!

Pranker: So yeah! I've been kind of working on some SPOKEN WORD, an-, and some poetry! Uh, with uh, with a couple of my-

Pranker: AFRICAN-AMERICAN FRIENDS! For the most part! And the-, and I've been kind of getting into like that, you know very uh-

Pranker: EMOTIONAL very PASSIONATE! UH DELIVERY! And that kind of thing, and they've been helping me with it! But, I just didn't know!

Pranker: If-, if me going up on stage, er-, er-, or kind of, trying to transmit those kind of things! Would just be funnier-

Pranker: people would laugh at me! Or if they take me SERIOUSLY, er-, I just don't wanna go up there and-, and you know-

Pranker: M-, MAKE A FOOL OF MYSELF! Or something!

Lady: Mhm.

Pranker: I'm just-, I'm just a little bit shy!

Lady: I think that uhm, yeah they're-, they're very good, the spoken word that moves people is-, is the-

Lady: the one where you can see that the person's completely swept into it! And obviously that's what you're aiming for, YEAH?

Pranker: Uh-, y-, yeah-

Lady: But, you have to feel comfortable!

Pranker: Well-, well-, well, let me go ahead and-, and FIRE OFF, like three of four lines to you! And then just-, I want you to-

Pranker: give me, your-, your BRUTALLY HONEST opinion, uh-, and just let me know if you think this is, something that-, that would be worth entertaining!

Lady: OKAY!

Pranker: ALRIGHT! [clears throat] [speaking as Tyrone]: SHAM LAM DOOBILY [clears throat], AS I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY-

Pranker: OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH! I TAKE A LOOK AT MY LIFE AND REALIZE THERE'S NOTHING LEFT! CUZ' I'VE BEEN BLASTING-

Pranker: AND LAUGHING SO LONG THAT, EVEN MY MAMA THINKS THAT MY MIND IS GONE! BUT I AIN'T EVER CROSSED A MAN-

Pranker: THAT DIDN'T DESERVE IT. YOU'VE BEEN TREATED LIKE A HUH YOU KNOW [mumbling], I DON'T KNOW THE LYRICS TO-

Pranker: THIS PART OF THE SONG! BUT I'M A KEEP GOING ON LIKE NOTHING IS WRONG! HA POO POO PSH!

Lady: [giggles] I LOVE IT! [laughing], that's lovely! I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT! Because of your-, you've used your voice in such a different way!

Pranker: But-, but-, but-, yeah I-, I TOLD YOU! I've been-, I-, I've been working with MY BUDDIES for-, for maybe six or eight months now!

Pranker: Kind of just-, they've been-, surrounding me almost everyday! We-, we-, we've been working together an-, and I've-, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO LEARN!

Lady: OH! YEAH, YEAH, I'm liking that! Uh it's a-, IT'S DIFFERENT!

Pranker: Okay but-, would you-, do you think it'd be weird to kind of have like a, you know, as sl-, a slender lil-

Pranker: WHITE! White gentleman! Go up there and kind of, and kind of SPIT HOT FIRE! The way I did just now?

Lady: Uh no! I think they'd be-, I don't think that I'd put you on first! I-, [giggles], I you know, I-, I-, I think I'd-

Lady: definitely you know, sandwich you into the night! Somewhere, you know, what I mean? So that-

Pranker: A HUH!

Lady: I think that there's definitely a night to be had! With the-, with uhm, with the sort of thing that you're-, you're doing!

Pranker: Let me-, let me-, let me cut to the chase here now WELL. Do you think maybe, I could get, YOUR NUMBER? And then-, we could go-

Pranker: go out and like-, get-, GET SOME TEA! AND-, AND-, AND-, CHAT ABOUT IT! But-, but-, ho-, hopefully you wouldn't, TALK THIS MUCH! [giggles]

Lady: YEP! A YEP! You've got this number but uhm, I'll give you my mobile!

Pranker: OK!

Lady: Have you got a pen ready?

Pranker: Yeah I-, I-, I-, I-, I-, I-, eh-, y-, YEAH!

Lady: Uh, my number is-, 0 [censored].

Pranker: Okay well-, and-

Lady: UHM.

Pranker: do you think that, I might have a better chance with you! Relationship-wise, if I'm like uh-,

Pranker [speaking as Tyrone]: HEY YO GIRL! What it do mama? Le-, let's go out and, holla at each other! Go-, go to like a LUNCH TIME BUFFET! OR SOMETHING. RUFF RUFF.

Lady: [giggles] [deep inhale] [nervous stammer], I'm a, very easy going lass! And uh, and I don't mind how you talk!

Pranker [speaking as John Mcain]: But as long as you're not LAUGHING AT ME! And laughing with me! HEH!

Lady: NEVER! NEVER! [giggles]

Pranker: Okay, and do you think, you think if things go right, maybe we could head back to my uh-, MY HOSTEL?

Lady: [giggles]

Pranker: You know!

Lady: I'M A MARRIED WOMAN!

Pranker: For-, for just some PRIVATE PERFORMANCES, you know I don't-, I don't-, I'm not gonna, you know-

Pranker: PUT THE HOT DOG IN THE BUN OR NOTHING! [giggles]

Lady: Okay well give me a call, when you can come in okay?

Pranker [speaking as Tyrone]: Okay, but we-, we gonna hit up some DINNER, RIGHT?

Pranker: Okay, my-

Lady: It'd be fabulous!

Pranker: MY TREAT! But your husband's gonna be COOL WITH IT? We don't ha-, we don't have to tell him!

Pranker: Okay, he can just be IN THE DARK.

Lady: [giggles], what was your-, what was your name darling?

Pranker: Uh, my name currently is TYRONE.

Lady: Tyrone?

Pranker: YEAH!

Lady: Tyrone, and what was your other name?

Pranker: My other name is uh, IS JOHN. [speaking as John Mcain]: HEH!

Lady: [giggles], okay alright then. We'll talk again!

Pranker [speaking as Buk Lau]: OKAY BUT-, but we gonna do the lun-, the lunch time together, right?

Pranker: We gonna go out together! And do the uh-, the good time, you know?

Lady: Yeah! Yeah hopefully!

Pranker: OKAY! Alright but, will you give me like a discount on the COFFEE or something? I DON'T LIKE-

Lady: Well you can have a free, whenever you come in and you can have free coffee and cake! And we'll talk about it!

Pranker: OH MY GOD! I like that like a SO MUCH! OK-

Lady: [giggles], okay then!

Pranker: Will your husband let-, let you touch my TOOTSIE ROLL?

Lady: NO. NOT AT ALL.

Pranker: BUT-

Lady: I'm not into Tootsie Rolls! They-

Pranker: WHY-

Lady: they're just all CARBOHYDRATE.

Pranker: OH CRAP! OK-

Guy: [giggles] HA, OKAY!

Pranker: WHAT ABOUT MY-

Lady: I'm gonna go, OKAY?

Pranker: what about my-, what about my EGG ROLL?

Lady: No, alright!

Pranker: WHAT ABOUT MY-

Lady: I'm going to go now!

Pranker: MY DRUNKEN NOODLE! You know?

Lady: ALRIGHT. Cutie bye!

Pranker: WHAT ABOUT THE BALL SACK STROKING? [laughing]