Category: Prank calls
Characters: Buk Lau, Billy
Prank Victim: Pooper scooper company
Rage Level: Mellow
- “Well, one of my dis- one of my disabilities is that I can't stand the smell of the crap in here.”
- “I'm pretty sure he already knows you dun-diddily-doo-daw poo-poo the bed! Not me honey!”
- “I don't have a computer but I have the- the multimedia messaging on my iPHONE 3.”
Body of content:
I prank called a pooper scooper company (they pick up animal poop in your yard) as Buk Lau and Billy to inquire about how much it'd cost to clean up after my wife's explosive diarrhea episode inside the house. Things got nasty when I described the poop incident in this hilarious prank call!
I did NOT expect anyone to be willing to do this, but be sure to listen through the prank and see how it went! What was the funniest moment in this call? Put your thoughts in the comments below!
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Guy: Thank you for calling [censored]! This is Rod!
Pranker: [speaking as Billy]: Uh, hello! How you doing there Rod?
Guy: I'm well, how are you?
Pranker: I'm great. I was just wondering wha- what kind of services y'all offer for the POOPING SCOOPING and if maybe y'all would do some custom work for me.
Guy: Of course! Uh, what kind of custom work were you thinking?
Pranker: Well, I had a little bit of an issue in the bedroom with my wife and uh...
Pranker: ... uh- she uh- essentially she had really bad cramps and she had eh- some what of a explosive diarrhea episode inside the bedroom.
Pranker: And... Unfortunately she happened to get some- some poo-poo in areas that weren't uh- exactly convenient and in the room kind of stanks in there...
Pranker: ... and I was trying to think of who I could call t-to maybe do like a deep-cleaning in there! And...
Pranker: I was wondering if y'all could possibly give me a custom quote on how much you all charge t-to get in there and kind of wipe the walls down...
Pranker: ... a-a-and kind of fumigate the area and all that stuff.
Guy: Yes, uhm- what part of town are you located in?
Pranker: [stuttering] I'm in Denver. But-
Guy: You're in Denver. Okay.
Pranker: Y-you see I-
Guy: Let me make sure I underst-
Guy: Let me make sure I understand correctly, your wife... Uh- she had an explosive diarrehea episode...
Guy: ... and- so basically now there's excrement all over the walls and all over the room? Is that correct?
Pranker: T- that's right. I mean, not all over the walls but- she got some distance on there and I was surprised.
Guy: Okay, uhm...
Guy: Give me one second, let me talk to somebody. Give me one- uh- can I put you on hold for one second?
Pranker: Yeah. Sure thing. Thank you.
Guy: Of course.
Guy: Okay, are you still with me?
Pranker: Yes sir.
Guy: Alright, so looks like uhm, we would have to probably charge uh- depending on how- obviously the trip out uh...
Guy: ... we could charge you for uhm... Well I mean, something comparable to what you're describing.
Guy: We would call a "yard rejuvination" uhm- so we could do like a- a- "room rejuvination" uh- for a similar price...
Guy: ... so basically, we would charge 140$ for that.
Pranker: Alright is that something you're comfortable with?
Pranker: Okay so y- you- b-b- but the thing is I'm wondering here like- how thorough do y'all usually clean-
Pranker: I- I know y'all typically do things in the yard so I'm trying to think here if we have a- an incident inside the home...
Pranker: How through will y'all you know, get in there an- and like will y'all get on your hands and knees and scrub things down and kind of open the windows and maybe get a fan in there and that kind of thing?
Guy: That's correct.
Pranker: Okay... Well...
Pranker: I will be a lot more comfortable in the region of- let's say like... Eh-
Pranker: 85$? Is that something y'all could do?
Guy: Uhm... I uh-
Guy: The best probably we could do i- are you by any chance a senior citizen, a member of the armed forces or do you have a disability?
Pranker: Uh, I would say so, yeah.
Guy: What kind of uh- Let's take a look real quick... What kind of disability would you have?
Pranker: Well, one of my dis- one of my disabilities is that I can't stand the smell of the crap in here. [chuckles]
Pranker: To be quite honest!
Guy: [giggles] Of course, of course... Uhm...
Guy: We couldn't do it for 85$, uh just because the- the time investment- from what it sounds like...
Guy: Uh, the best I could probably do for you would be a 20$ off and get- and get it down to 120$, I couldn't do any lower than that.
Pranker: 120$... Huh... Trying to think here... Uh-
Pranker: It's a little bit of an awkward situation for my wife and she was feeling uncomfortable about it and say...
Pranker: ... " I don't wanna hire nobody, this is embarrassing, they're gonna laugh at me" and yada, yada, yada...
Pranker: ... so you seem like a nice-
Guy: No one's-
Guy: N- no one's gonna laugh. Uhm- we do this professionally,we have a lot of our clients who are disabled...
Guy: We care for clients like this all the time actually.
Pranker: Okay, but h- have you- have you specifically done an interior uh- poop excavation cleaning?
Guy: Uhm, we have- we've had personnel that done it before correct uh-
Guy: ... it depends, we've never had anything- that's involved a [indistinctive] or anything like that but uh for example...
Guy: ... like dogs have "explosive diarrhea", inside the house.
Pranker: I- I didn't know what to do really eh- i-it's been like- it happened about last week and we kind of just closed off that room and haven't been inside...
Pranker: ... and kind of brainstorming what to do, every time I step in there I start gagging, a-and I have- gag reflex- I- I put towels under the doors so that, you know...
Pranker: ... no f- no fumes would escape, but even when I walk by the outside of the house by that window there I can smell little poop nuggets, you know what I mean?
Guy: Of course... Uhm... Yeah so, if you guys are comfortable with uhm- with the- with the figure we could have somebody scheduled as early as this upcoming Sunday if that works for you.
Pranker: Oh, gosh darn. You really gotta wait four days though? Even if I pay you the 120$, could y'all come like... NOW?
Guy: Uh, we could probably [beep] I- probably pull some strings and get somebody out there to you early tomorrow...
Guy: ... but that's probably the best that I can promise.
Pranker: O-okay c-c-can you give me like- you know like t- like 15, 30 seconds to just talk it over with my wife and see...
Pranker: ... s-see what she might wanna do?
Pranker: Alright, alright. One second.
Pranker [speaking as Buk Lau]: Duh, hello?
Guy: Yes, I'm still here.
Pranker: Duh yeah. I talk to my husband right now, he tell me he talk to you about the cleaning right?
Guy: That is correct.
Pranker: Okay, and how much money you want to charge him? He would tell me but I don- eh- a little bit confused.
Guy: I'm sorry?
Pranker: Eh- how much money do you want to charge for this one? For the cleaning?
Guy: Uhh- 120$ would be after the 20$ discount.
Pranker: Okay, okay... And do you maybe like- have like uh- a new customer discount or something for us?
Pranker: Because you know, money is very tight right now, but I don't know what to do it here, we need to-
Guy: We- we-
Pranker: ... we need to use the bedrooom.
Guy: Of course, we actually did apply uhm- a 15% discount to the price.
Guy: This one we gave you a- uh- disabled, uhm- discount and that's honestly the best we could do on that.
Pranker: Ok, and can you- well what would uh- and what would the service include exactly?
Pranker: W- what can you do it? For the cleaning?
Guy: We would uhm- clean the room to the best of our abilities. We're a-we're a pooper-scooper company, so we would do our best and make sure that the job is completed.
Pranker: Ok, and- what- what did my hus- what did my husband tell you we need exactly? Just to make sure we're on the same page.
Guy: Uhm, that the room needs to be uh- cleaned, and there was excrement in the carpet and some in the walls.
Pranker: Yeah- he have a- he f- he have a big accident himself you know? He- he- he- he do a BOOM BOOM BOOM in the uh, the bedroom. You know?
Pranker [speaking as Billy]: I'm pretty sure he already knows you dun-diddily-doo-daw poo-poo the bed! Not me honey! Don't try to pin this one on me!
Pranker [speaking as Buk Lau]: What?! What do yo- WHY DO YOU- WHY DO YOU TELL HIM THAT?
Pranker: I TOLD YOU ALREADY, I'M VERY EMBARRASSED, YOU CAN'T SAY YOU DID IT?!
Pranker: Now he thinks we're very disgusting, you know?
Pranker: [sigh] [fumbles the phone]
Pranker: Did he tell you I do it?
Guy: Look, [stuttering] it's honestly not my business what's going on. Is this something you guys are interested in doing?
Guy: And like I said, we could have somebody scheduled for tomorrow morning?
Guy: That's all I could offer you guys.
Pranker: But really, it's about- it's ab- for me, for me it's about the principle!
Pranker: You know? So, oh- well what did he tell you? He tell you who do it?
Guy: Ma'am, I-I-I actually choose not to get involved in this uh we're-
Pranker: I'm- Look, I am-
Guy: We're just a company trying to help!
Pranker: I understand ok? But you are like, the middle person now right? It's too late! I...
Pranker: ... I need to eh, I want to figure out what he do! Because, he lie to me a lot.
Pranker: And I want to understand, your understanding! So I can understand and, you know.
Guy: Ma'am, I'm- I'm sorry this is not my- this is not my place- [indistinctive speaking]
Pranker: [singing "Apologize"] You know like, the song? I want to know, please!
Guy: I'm sorry?
Pranker: Ok, look. I try to lighten the m- lighten the mood you know? That's why I try to get you to- to answer me. What is your name?
Pranker: Look Rod, don't be too stiff, okay? [chuckles]
Pranker: You get it? Ugh-
Pranker: [stuttering] what did he tell you? OK, between me and you, I won't tell anybody, you know?
Guy: Ma'am, if you guys decide that you guys want to go ahead and do this, please go ahead and call us back, uhm-
Pranker: But Rod! I- I want to- DO IT! I'm so-
Guy: I don't know what else to tell you...
Pranker: I understand we put you in a little bit uncomfortable right? I don't want you to be the uncomfortable-
Guy: [stuttering] You have to understand I refuse to get involved in that.
Pranker: [stuttering] BUT WHY DO YOU!
Guy: That's our company.
Pranker: But why do you refuse? I ask very simple question, I'm not asking you to pick a side or something!
Pranker: I- I- I'm not going to make you pick a side and see who you like more or something. I just want to know what he tell you-
Guy: Is this something- is this- is this a service you want to oh- proceed with? Or would you-
Pranker: De- de- definitely!
Guy: Or would you like to do something different?
Pranker: I want to- I want to use it! Yes! But I want to eh-
Pranker: Can you come clean the crap personally? So I can talk to you in person? Maybe ask question about what he tell you? Or you- do you have to send someboodee else?
Guy: Look ma'am, uh, I actually am uhm, gonna have to take a position here and it's not something that we're gonna be able to offer you as far as service anymore.
Guy: I- I- please find somebody else.
Pranker: Wait, I'm very g- wait up! I'M VERY CONFUSED! Why do you not want to do it now?
Pranker: [laughing] He hung up.
Guy: Thank you for calling [censored], this is Rod.
Pranker: Duh hello Rod! I believe the telephone got disconnected or something! Or I don't know if you hang up on me, what happened right?
Guy: Ma'am, uh- I got to be honest with you, it sounds like a practical joke! Uhm, 'cause- 'cause- do you-
Guy: Would you like to do business with our company?
Pranker: Rod, look. I understand it'a a little bit uh- unique situation right?
Pranker: But it is not a joke to me! I- I'm- I'm very uncomfortable and very sick boy- very- very- very- very- very- sick CRAP in the house today you know?!
Pranker: I- I want someboodee to help me, but I understand I put you a little bit uncomfortable position but I want you to- to-
Guy: It- actually uh it's actually not something that we're offering anymore.
Pranker: But what- but wh- but 10- but 5 minutes ago y- you want to do it!
Pranker: You say "I clean the poo-poo", but now you don't want to clean the poo-poo!
Guy: We don't- we don't-
Guy: We no longer uhh- want to service you because it sound like you are manipulating the situation and it sounds really uncomfortable...
Guy: ... for our company and I don't think that's something we should be involved in.
Pranker: Ok. Look. Rod, you come here yourself, I will- you can experience th-
Guy: What is your na- What is your name?
Pranker: My name is Buk Lau.
Guy: How do you spell that?
Pranker: It's a B-U-K L-A-U.
Pranker: Ok! So- c-can you do for me or what do you think?
Guy: So uhm, we're gonna have to probably schedule somebody to look at the situation before we agree to anything else, and it'll probably be best- be best for both sides that way.
Pranker: Ok, but you sound like you very indecisive you know? I want to- I can send you the picture if you want, we can-
Pranker: We can do that. Uh, do you have an e-mail or something?
Guy: Go ahead- go ahead and send them to info at [censored] dot com.
Pranker: Ok, info... Ok, lo- I- I don't have a computer but I have the- the multimedia messaging on my iPHONE 3.
Pranker: Do you- do you having a uh- do you have a Face Time? I can show you the situation and maybe even show you my tootsie roll! If you are interested.
Pranker: Do you have i-
Guy: I- I repeat, I repeat that this is not something that we're gonna continue with.
Guy: There is no indecisiveness or not, please find another company.
Pranker: Bu- but what- you- you- you play with my emotion you kn- HELLO?