+ Reply to Thread
Page 8 of 8 FirstFirst ... 45678
Results 141 to 160 of 160
  1. 07-02-2009, 11:24 PM #141
    madeinireland310
    madeinireland310 is offline
    OP Enthusiast
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    168

    Reputation: 36

    Default


    Register on the forums to remove this ad!
    612): I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.

    (415): how hairy? two words: wookie tits

    (858): I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  2. 07-03-2009, 12:45 AM #142
    papplemyapple
    papplemyapple is offline
    OP Enthusiast papplemyapple's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Your moms basement
    Posts
    130

    Reputation: 11

    Default

    Today, my little cousin came to visit my family. I haven't seen him in a while so I figured he missed me. Thinking so, I tried to hug him. While going in for the hug, he punched me in the balls and called me a faggot. FML

    Steam : Striked_Down
    AIM Screen Name : iTz II Trance
    MSN : Xanga21@hotmail.com
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  3. 07-03-2009, 02:35 AM #143
    Kamikaze Black
    Kamikaze Black is offline
    Forum n00bie
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Gumptown, USA
    Posts
    10

    Reputation: 10

    Default

    Today, at the restaurant I work at, I gave a man back his change and told him to enjoy the sunny day. He replied by dramatically saying that the sun was his mortal enemy. Thinking he was joking, I asked him if he was a vampire. Turns out he has skin cancer. FML

    My MSN: devilmaycry334@hotmail.com
    My AIM (rarely use): PsychoDanteX9
    My mind designed with a divine sense of division, multiplication and addition
    I'm a math-a-gician, I was taught to subtract anything trying to intervene and
    To distract the type of paper that I'm trying to attract
    We really dont wanna have to clap, but if it has to happen

    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  4. 07-03-2009, 05:19 PM #144
    Incognito
    Incognito is offline
    OP Addict Incognito's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Pismo Beach, CA
    Posts
    502

    Reputation: 26

    Default

    Today, I exchanged numbers with this guy in the McDonald's drive-thru. When he asked why I gave him my number I told him I thought he had a nice smile. When I asked him the same question, he responded with "I just thought you had a nice rack". FML
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  5. 08-05-2009, 04:56 PM #145
    Kretus
    Kretus is offline
    Banned
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    6,397

    Reputation: 2284

    Default

    drinkin vodka - $45
    getting cell phone wet - $140( insurance )
    getting my gold chain and cross stolen - $1200 ( around with out tax )
    hospital bills - around $2000

    getting pushed into river while being intoxicated and getting 14 stitches priceless

    Fuck my life!!!! no insurance for me
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  6. 08-05-2009, 06:37 PM #146
    mohaas05
    mohaas05 is offline
    OP Legend mohaas05's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Blacksburg
    Posts
    8,470

    Reputation: 2713

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Kretus View Post
    drinkin vodka - $45
    getting cell phone wet - $140( insurance )
    getting my gold chain and cross stolen - $1200 ( around with out tax )
    hospital bills - around $2000

    getting pushed into river while being intoxicated and getting 14 stitches priceless

    Fuck my life!!!! no insurance for me
    Ooh...good one

    2009 OwnagePranks Most Annoying Poster
    2009 OwnagePranks Most Talkative Poster
    2009 OwnagePranks Most Active Poster
    2009 OwnagePranks Biggest Forum Spammer
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  7. 08-05-2009, 06:40 PM #147
    Kretus
    Kretus is offline
    Banned
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    6,397

    Reputation: 2284

    Default

    o forgot to add.... missing work.... and not sleeping the whole night lol
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  8. 08-05-2009, 09:48 PM #148
    AnarchyOWNz
    AnarchyOWNz is offline
    OP Enthusiast AnarchyOWNz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    254

    Reputation: 31

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by hardhead View Post
    After needing money to pay off a mortgage, i decided to donate sperm. keeping this secret, i found out a month later that my daughter had gone to the sperm bank that i donated sperm to. For her husband had an extremely low sperm count. i was sure she wouldnt get mine so i didn't to bring it up. after her child was born, and a few years in, i saw such a resemblance between my childhood pictures and her son. i then confessed the story and had to get us tested. the results turned out positive. FML
    No way that cannot be legit.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  9. 08-05-2009, 09:49 PM #149
    mohaas05
    mohaas05 is offline
    OP Legend mohaas05's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Blacksburg
    Posts
    8,470

    Reputation: 2713

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by AnarchyOWNz View Post
    No way that cannot be legit.
    I doubt any fml posted on that site is legit.

    2009 OwnagePranks Most Annoying Poster
    2009 OwnagePranks Most Talkative Poster
    2009 OwnagePranks Most Active Poster
    2009 OwnagePranks Biggest Forum Spammer
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  10. 08-05-2009, 09:52 PM #150
    AnarchyOWNz
    AnarchyOWNz is offline
    OP Enthusiast AnarchyOWNz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    254

    Reputation: 31

    Default

    Today, I was at my girlfriends house with just me and her. Things began to get heated and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML

    HAHAHAHA

    Its gonna automerge my double post..but this is too fucking funny.

    "Today, I had my first blow job. My girlfriend thought it would be sexy to "caress" my ball sack. By caress she meant bitch slap from side to side. FML"
    Last edited by AnarchyOWNz; 08-05-2009 at 10:03 PM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  11. 08-05-2009, 10:06 PM #151
    mohaas05
    mohaas05 is offline
    OP Legend mohaas05's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Blacksburg
    Posts
    8,470

    Reputation: 2713

    Default

    I like just going onto the site and blindly tagging everything as YDI.

    2009 OwnagePranks Most Annoying Poster
    2009 OwnagePranks Most Talkative Poster
    2009 OwnagePranks Most Active Poster
    2009 OwnagePranks Biggest Forum Spammer
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  12. 08-05-2009, 10:29 PM #152
    AnarchyOWNz
    AnarchyOWNz is offline
    OP Enthusiast AnarchyOWNz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    254

    Reputation: 31

    Default

    "Today, a friend offered to have sex with me, since I'm a 19 year old virgin who's only been kissed. He then added on that I would have to give him my Wii in return. FML"
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  13. 08-06-2009, 06:48 PM #153
    Jimmalthepuma
    Jimmalthepuma is offline
    OP Enthusiast Jimmalthepuma's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    372

    Reputation: 52

    Default

    This is a real FML!

    SO ANYWAY!

    I go away for 3 days fishing!
    First night, wake up screaming Hobo trys to kill me turns out to me my uncle!
    Second Night, get drunk throw up all over my uncle!
    Third Night, sleep in the fucking puke covered sleeping bag!

    GET HOME!
    RAGE!
    Someone has fucked with my entired venting settings everything is fucked all my special effects are FUCKED!
    AND THERES NEW PEOPLE!
    AND I MISSED AN EPIC PRANK CALL!
    AND I FUCKING THESE NEW PEOPLE MAKE ME RAGE CAUSE I WASN'T AROUND THE FIRST TIME THEY CAME ON! I FEEL LIKE A NEW PERSON ALL OVER AGAIN!

    AND NO ONE SAID ANYTHING WHEN I CAME ON! IT'S LIKE I NEVER WENT AWAY!
    RAGE!!!!!
    FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

    I am so raged, seriously FUCK MY LIFE!
    Last edited by Jimmalthepuma; 08-06-2009 at 06:53 PM.
    I've got more experience then your mom and a bigger stick then your dad.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  14. 08-06-2009, 08:09 PM #154
    Sammi
    Sammi is offline
    Sammi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    who the fuck are you people
    Posts
    3,939

    Reputation: 3421

    Default

    Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "because you can't find a real girl I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  15. 08-06-2009, 08:14 PM #155
    mohaas05
    mohaas05 is offline
    OP Legend mohaas05's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Blacksburg
    Posts
    8,470

    Reputation: 2713

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sammi View Post
    Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "because you can't find a real girl I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
    lol I actually saw that one

    2009 OwnagePranks Most Annoying Poster
    2009 OwnagePranks Most Talkative Poster
    2009 OwnagePranks Most Active Poster
    2009 OwnagePranks Biggest Forum Spammer
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  16. 08-07-2009, 08:27 AM #156
    likeasombodeee
    likeasombodeee is offline
    Forum n00bie
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    9

    Reputation: 0

    Talking

    "Today, my boss called me into his office. He had a huge smile on his face, so I assumed I was going to get promoted. He then sat down, and told me that he had been sleeping with my wife for the last three months. He still had a huge smile on his face. FML"



    Rofl'd At that One Lmfao...
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  17. 08-07-2009, 07:31 PM #157
    oX CaNes Xo
    oX CaNes Xo is offline
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    99

    Reputation: 10

    Default



    FML
    I didnt post CP. Im on a VPN so somebody else did but I lol'd
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  18. 08-08-2009, 05:38 PM #158
    likeasombodeee
    likeasombodeee is offline
    Forum n00bie
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    9

    Reputation: 0

    Default

    Today, my boss called me into his office. He had a huge smile on his face, so I assumed I was going to get promoted. He then sat down, and told me that he had been sleeping with my wife for the last three months. He still had a huge smile on his face. FML"



    Rofl'd At that One Lmfao...
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  19. 08-31-2009, 07:40 PM #159
    weebam
    weebam is offline
    OP Addict weebam's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    California
    Posts
    647

    Reputation: 107

    Default

    Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML


    stickam: weebam
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  20. 03-03-2010, 08:11 PM #160
    Danny Milonakis
    Danny Milonakis is online now
    Danny Milonakis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    9,920

    Reputation: 3402

    Default

    Today, I was perusing my mom's Facebook. I noticed she has an album of pictures for each member of the family, except me. The dog has an album. FML

    Dirt is for racing.
    Tarmac is for getting there.
    Click here to view my best post ever.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
« This is why you're fat | Happy Birthday to The Baconator!!! »

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

Forum Rules