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Today, as an April fools day joke, I decided to tell my mom and dad that I was gay. After an awkward silence, my mom looks at me, smiles, and says, "well, we have known for awhile." She wasn't joking. FML
Today, I was going to have sex with my hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was "pollo frito". I then proceeded to have sex, constantly screaming pollo frito for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
FRIED CHICKENOriginally Posted by xxfortneyface
wow
pollo frito pollo frito pollo frito pollo frito lol
Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. TWICE. FML
OWNED!
Today, I was playing with my pet hamster and I decided to put it down my pants for fun. It started running around and I actually got aroused. My mom then proceeded to walk into my room to see me with an erection and my pet hamster poke his head out of the hole in my boxers. FML
2009 OwnagePrank's Best All Around Person
2009 OwnagePrank's Favorite Member
OWNEDDDDD
Today, I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion. FML
Today, I had dinner with the girl I thought I would end up marrying. Everything was going well and after I had payed the bill, she said she was a lesbian. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she challenged me to see who could hook up with a straight girl first. I lost. FML
Woah I did the same thing, except it was in an XboxLIVE party.
Weird.
I love fmylife.com
D;
Today, I decided to take a nap. My boyfriend gave me some sleeping pills but I decided last minute not to take them. I woke up to my boyfriend kissing my neck and unbuttoning my shirt. Without opening my eyes, I whispered "ooh this is so romantic." He blurted out shocked, "Oh...you're awake?!" FML
Today, I was ringing an old man up in the local grocery store when I had realized all he was buying was 3 bottles of vodka and a box of condoms. While I was loading the bags into his cart he laid his hand on my shoulder and told me "I'd take you home with me but chances are I would be arrested". FML
Last edited by Living Lobotomy; 04-16-2009 at 01:02 PM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
GT: WHITE ROSE WAR
Lulz. >:3
Today, I was going 73 in a 55 on a country road when an oncoming cop passed me. He pulled a U turn. I turned off the main road and proceeded to take random turns. I got lost, was 30 Min Late to work, oh and the cop still found me and gave me two tickets. I had to ask him for directions. FML
this sounds like something ownage would do to every single one of you
Today, I was masturbating to a video a friend sent me. The girls were hot, walking out on a stage doing all sorts of sexy manuevers. The video was close to ending and the announcer in the video announced the winner. His name was Dan. It was a drag competition. My friend knew I'd whack off to it. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to fart in my roommates mouth while he was asleep. I walked over to him and pulled my pyjamas down and let loose. To my surprise it was a very wet one and I accidently took a dump on his face, he woke up and beat me until I was bleeding. FML
Last edited by xxfortneyface; 04-19-2009 at 02:55 AM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
Bump bc this one made me laugh rly hard
Today, the cops showed up to check out a child abuse complaint, I then had to spend an hour explaining that I had given my son a suppository. The neighbors heard him sobbing hysterically "Daddy, why did you put that in my butt? It hurts." My neighbor had heard and thought I was raping my son. FML
TEXTS From lastinght
texts from lastnight ate also funny just like fml.. check it out
(614): I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
(1-614): I'm not sure what to say to that.
(705): Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
(1-705): That would be awkward if he commented on your status
tell me what you think
this one made me lol.
Today, I was texting the girl I am in love with. I was dropping hints about liking someone who I didn't know if they liked me back. Flirting a little. And just when I thought she'd say she liked me too, she said "Don't worry, if you were straight, I would definitely date you!". FML
why are you reading this?
i don't know... that's a very good question.
Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML
^ LOL.
My MSN: devilmaycry334@hotmail.com
My AIM (rarely use): PsychoDanteX9
My mind designed with a divine sense of division, multiplication and addition
I'm a math-a-gician, I was taught to subtract anything trying to intervene and
To distract the type of paper that I'm trying to attract
We really dont wanna have to clap, but if it has to happen
made me el oh el
2009 OwnagePrank's Most Flirtatious Award
2009 OwnagePrank's Biggest Perv Award
:3
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA!!!
Today, my brother and I were going to give our parents their anniversary gift which cost us over $3000. The gift was a trip to London in August to see a show on Michael Jackson's comeback tour. FML
Today, I finally thought that my mother was okay with me being a lesbian. Then, over dinner, she turns to me and says "So, do you still think you like girls, or are you going to start being normal again?" FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Everything was going great until I noticed a small blinking light on my shelf. It turns out that it was a camera. My mom put it there to make sure I cleaned my room. She saw the whole thing. FML
sorry for the double but this one had me on the ground
Today, I finally had sex with a girl I've been dating for over a month. Before we got started she told me not to worry about the birth control because she could handle that. So after we finished I asked her what kind of birth control she used. She said she meditated. FML
Last edited by Shnizz; 06-27-2009 at 12:56 AM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
When I was sleeping over at my friends house they left for a while to get some food. I was alone, so I started jacking it. Right when I started getting a orgasm, they walked in. FML
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